Sunday, 18 September 2011

Walk not in shadow

To walk in shadow is to only be half alive.....

I spent the last forty years hiding from life. Whilst I know it futile to wish for these lost years back, equally I cannot help but mourn their passing.

It will be a  short mourning period though as I intend to live the next forty years to the maximum, in the light, not in shadow.

This week the tragedy at the Gleision Drift Mine in South Wales really hit home to me the importance of counting ones blessings. Four lives cut short in a small community but dozens of families grieving. As much as we try to plan ahead, we have no control over the  fickle hand of fate.

Don't waste time regretting what you did or didn't do, what has happened cannot be undone. If you have been dealt a difficult hand thus far, then don't make it worse by being bitter. Hate is self destroying, it will get you nowhere.

Deal with the pain and anger, with help if needs be, then move on. Otherwise those that wronged you will have a hold over you until you die. It's not easy, I know all too well. However it is the best gift you will ever give yourself. Take control of your life, make it count, enjoy every day, don't let yesterday poison tomorrow!

You did not ask for any evil that was done to you, neither did you welcome or enjoy it. You should carry no shame or blame yourself, you are the injured party.

Life is a precious thing, it can be taken so easily at anytime. Don't throw it away. I cannot
get back my forty lost years, neither can I undo any pain or event that occurred. What I can
and will do though is not let it fester inside me. Until you let the past go, that festering wound cannot heal.

One of the biggest things I learnt recently was to like and love myself. I'm not all the way there yet, but I am now well down the road.  Until you are able to do that for yourself you are never fully able to accept it or give it to another. The abusers in life like nothing better for their victims to feel shame, self loathing and fear.  Well stuff them! Do you want
them to have that control over you? Be they bullies, abusers, rapists whatever, the sin and evil is,  they are NOT yours.

Do not embrace them by calling them yours. Instead of my bullies or my abuser, always depersonalise it. The bullies, the abuser. Not my abuse, but the abuse. You don't own it, or them and neither does it or them own you.

You are a beautiful creation, learn to love yourself, to like yourself, be kind to yourself. Don't take it to extremes though... Remember you are no worse than but also no better than anyone else. Be the best you can be, make yourself and others happy, live your life, don't hide from it.

I have found my voice, and I have now found my light. It may flicker occasionally but I will never let it go out. Find the light inside yourself, it is there. Would you not rather walk in the sunshine and light than in shadow and darkness? By loving who you are your light will grow and others will see. Those who chose to walk in darkness will not want to walk in your shining glory. Make the light your friend, cherish it, nurture it, feed it with love and kindness.

Throw away the pain and bad memories, embrace who you are and walk forward into a light, bright tomorrow.

I walk with you, as do many more. You will not be alone.

“Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.”


Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Yes, I know how deeply the tragedy will have affected you. Everything you say here is true.

CherryPie said...

Walking out from the shadow and learning to love yourself. It is music to my heart.

jodiliveca said...

After reading this I truly feel less alone, thank you for this.

Jwisaian said...

All so very true & so beautifully written; my frustration is not being able to put my emotions & thoughts down on paper

Anonymous said...

Thank you again I am starting my journey I have been afraid all these year because after confronting him my family turned their heads and said I ruined his name ... My parents believed me and stood up for me ...they are gone now and that made me very alone I dint know anyone was like me ... Until recently thank you for this as I am angry to much but I know why and I am working to heal myself and each thing you write helps me ... I dont know why but I don't understand many girls I have no clue as to why this is ...probably myself not wanting them to judge I was always judged by women probably my sisters who knows I hope you don't mind me venting a little here as I have been thank you hugs said...

You do a good thing with this site and your positive redemptive jouney. Look at Anonymous... so many like him.. so many of us have felt this way and had to fight for emotional, mental and practical survival to even feel ever in one piece and not a lot of bits being pulled apart! Many blessings on you Jan in your important life work!!!


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