Thursday, 11 February 2016

Obstacles To Recovery #childabuse #survivors @MSurvivorsTrust



All too often, male survivors begin their recovery, in the knowledge that it is possible, however painful it may be to recover, then they suddenly back off and stop working on the issues that made them call us in the first place!
So what's the answer to this, and how you can ensure that you wont this and wont be the one who doesn't fail at the first hurdle either.


DON'T MINIMISE THE ABUSE

All to often, I hear guys say "mine was nothing like yours" when we speak about the abuse suffered, and more often than not, when they attend group, they say,after hearing someones else story, that they shouldn't really be complaining.
That kind of response can cause you to think that the abuse you suffered wasn't that bad, it only happened a few times, but I can also guarantee that no matter what was done to you, or how long the abuse lasted, it has had the same devastating effects and affects upon you. 

Therefore, you deserve to be part of a group and should be complaining about the abuse you suffered, as its caused enough damage to you and those around you.
So no matter how long it lasted, or what you suffered, please don't feel like a fraud or that you don't deserve support, because you do.

DISABLERS:
Some people, even loved ones, don't want you to change without them, so try to stop you doing so. They won't help you, dragging you back to the past and feeling like you have for ages, which just reminds you of the past, perhaps by telling you how bad or sad you are, and will slowly drag you back down to their level


CLOSED OPTIONS:
This is something you wil do to yourself, perhaps in thinking its better that you go about it alone, or maybe you get tangled up with with everything, without making decisions, thinking that you have always been this way, can't change and won't change.....in other words - 'conditional recovery'
You know that you should listen and perhaps wait, but ignore that and fall back into old habits, thoughts, feelings

BUILDING UP A BANK BALANCE:
Again, this is about storing old resentments, or behaviours up - saving them up, manufacturing resentments, hurt, blame, etc.
You store them up, and when it becomes too much for you, so you can explode or implode, revert back to previous actions and lifestyles, and before you know it, you're back at the beginning, lacking commitment to start again, and consider yourself to be a failure, again!


FEAR OF:
  • The unknown - Who or what am I.
  • Of honesty - Will I be accepted, or rejected?
  • Of responsibility - Can I survive, will I adapt/cope?


    PERMISSION: Can I do it?
    Do I give I myself permission to feel to be vulnerable?
    Who will I ask to help me?

    THREE MAIN AREAS TO WORK ON
  • 1. Make quality decisions in your life, not the same mistakes, that you know will make you feel 'bad'.
  • 2. Identifying the cues and triggers that set you off, and make feel that way.
    3. Start to use the coping skills that work for you.
    You need to remain alert to the dangers that are ever present;
  • Recognise dangers signs.
  • Avoid placing yourself in high-risk situations.
  • Seek help when you need it.
  • Own the decision whether to react or not!
  • There is, and never will be a magic cure!

  • Use your common sense- take control of your life.
    Remember - Facing up to and coping with risks will build up your confidence.


    People needed around you -Those who will play 'family' roles, in supporting you
    Friends who will support you, and hold you steady as you work towards your goals
    Supporters who will ensure you stay straight, in thinking and using modes


    How to do this?
    Sit down and write a list of people that can and will help you through this..safe people! Then ask those people you list to actually take on the roles required. Make sure you use them when needed and call them when you need and don't need to, safety first, second and third!

    This article copyright Male Survivors Trust

    Thanks once more to Steve Bevan at Male Survivors Trust 

  • Thursday, 28 January 2016

    POBL Cymru - Mental Health Charity with a cwtch! @POBLCymru


    POBL (meaning PEOPLE in our Welsh language) is a new and fresh mental health charity that has been formed to make a difference to the people of Wales and their families, who are either now, or will at some future point, find themselves suffering from a mental health condition. We are called POBL because that’s exactly what we are all about. People helping people! We aim to be as bi-lingual as possible in all of our dealings, as we feel that this is of vital importance to be able to discuss issues in your native tongue if that assists you better.
    We are not about big strategies and grandiose ideas. We are about providing real ‘hands on’ advice and support at grassroots level to the ordinary man and woman in their own communities. We will primarily do this via education, workshops and support groups. This is where we feel help is most needed.
    It is a well publicised fact that 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience some form of mental distress. This can range from post natal depression, stress and even to terrifying bouts of paranoid schizophrenia. We think this figure is inaccurate because it does not take into account the wider circle of people around the sufferer. Their wives, husbands, children and wider network of friends often go through the bouts of illness with them, often not understanding it and certainly not knowing where to turn to for straightforward, jargon free friendly advice. This is what we aim provide at POBL.
    Many of our workers have had direct experience of the issues and problems that you face and therefore, can understand you better than anyone else. Nothing beats peer to peer support. Our simple aim is to get you back out there fighting as best you can, knowing that we are behind you every step of the way to catch you if you fall.
    We have been there, we know how lonely and dark it can be, but crucially, we know the way to lead you back out there on the road to enjoying life again.
    We educate businesses on their legal obligations in the area of managing and handling stress at work and providing adequate support, working with the employers with the wider Mental Health issues that employees may suffer from.
    Above all, we campaign and fundraise tirelessly to ensure that as many people as possible know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope, and we will do all we can to lead you there.

    Our Patron – Ruby Wax



    Ruby Wax is probably best known for her T.V. documentaries and interviews. She was a member of the Royal Shakespeare Company for 5 years, and has been script editor for many shows including all series of Absolutely Fabulous. Previously Ruby studied psychology at the University of Berkeley, California and obtained a Diploma in Psychotherapy and Counselling from Regent’s College, London. Recently Ruby obtained a Master’s degree in Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy at Oxford University.
    In spring 2014, Ruby Wax – comedian, writer, mental health campaigner began touring the UK with her one-woman show RUBY WAX: SANE NEW WORLD-THE TOUR. Ruby has based this new show on her No. 1 bestselling book Sane New World: Taming the Mind, which has enjoyed worldwide success since publication in 2013.
    Sane New World helps us understand why we sabotage our own sanity and provides a manual on how to survive the 21st century. Ruby uses knowledge from her recent Masters Degree in mindfulness-based cognitive therapy at Oxford University spiked with comedy.
    In the Summer of 2012 she presented her talk ‘What’s so funny about mental illness?” at TedGlobal and in 2011 launched a website called Blackdogtribe.com which helps sufferers to get help, information, to communicate with each other and to break the stigma of mental illness.

    Contact POBL on
    Twitter @PoblCymru
    Facebook https://www.facebook.com/POBLcymru/
    WWW http://www.pobl.org.uk/
    p.s

    Welsh word for an affectionate hug. There's no literal English translation, but its nearest equivlent is "safe place". So if you give someone a cwtch, you're giving them a "safe place". 

    It can also be used as a place to store things safely (usually a cupboard under a staircase)
    "Give me a cwtch" 

    "Put your jacket in the cwtch"

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