Saturday, 30 July 2011

Mixed Musical Moods







BRING ME TO LIFE

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core where I’ve become so numb
Without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

now that I know what I’m without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)



With thanks to EVANESCENCE and KATHERINE JENKINS

Thursday, 21 July 2011

Fear and Hope

I hope not to fear everything, everyone
For my inner child to be set free
That together as one we can face each new day
With hope

July 2011

Friday, 1 July 2011

Behind Closed Doors....!

Why did I start this.

Last night I was having a nice soak in the bath and something triggered a memory, well memories actually.

My grandfather was a tailor. He worked at the back of a clothes shop. I used to have to go with him to work quite often. I remembered things that have been long buried.

The memories are still a bit vague...

One instance is me having to have to urinate through white muslin to see how much blood was in my urine. I don't know why and there was blood.  Was I taken to a doctor? NO. I was taken for an ice cream.

Another room there had shelves of underwear and beyond that a storage area with mannequins. Another worker from that shop would play dress up with me, amongst the mannequins. As the underwear was adult size and I was then a very skinny kid it didn't stay on. More events are opening up in my memory today but I am feeling sick and shaking, I want to remember, to clear this out of my head.

I remember having the ends of my fingers sewn together. I don't know when or why. I can just see my fingers with black thread holding my hands together.

My foreskin had an elastic band put over it. I couldn't pee. Well I did pee and I bled. My frenulum tore. Doctor? NO.

He used to make me put my hand down his trousers, on the bus, in the shop, in the garden. I don't think he had any shame.

All this went on at the back of a shop on a busy high street.

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