I once witnessed a boy being strangled. It was an "abusive sex game" that went horribly wrong. I shut most of the memory out until recently. I don't know for sure what happened to the boy but I can see his face so very clearly today. I had a nightmare about it this morning and awoke coughing and choking as I had vomit in my mouth and throat.
I am 48 years old yet today feel like a frightened little boy again. I feel very alone and that no-one will ever truly understand me. I am ashamed to say that I even feel that life has no purpose. I can never escape the horrors of the past. If I had spoken out all those years ago maybe some horrors could have been prevented. Maybe I wouldn't be the messed up shadow of a man I am today,
These memories and others I have mentioned came back after I called myself "Beyond Survivor". That feels like a sad joke right now. I feel very much a victim.