Doubt

I feel no pleasure
I feel no pain
All I feel is the rain
The rain of confusion descending upon me

"I deserve nothing" I say to myself
As the darkness closes in
Now, feeling doubt
But still firm in my belief
The last shred I have left

Who are my friends?
Who are my enemies?
My life, what should it be used for?

I want to please, want to make happy
But find it hard, find it impossible
Impossible to be of use
Why couldn't it be easier?

Want to reach out, to touch, to help
Want to be a part
A part of something, anything
Whatever I can sacrifice myself to
Dangerous

Running in the darkness
The cold embraces me, I embrace the fear
Fear of what to come, what to not come
Fear of the world, fear of myself

I no longer cry, but why?
The world seems less frightening, more familiar
Still, confusing it is
Sad it is
But not as sad as yesterday
Lonely it is
But not as lonely as yesterday

I slow down, face the mirror
The mirrior in the horizon of darkness
Do I really hate what I see so much?

I smile
But
Suddenly
I see a sparkle in my eye
The possible fire of the danger that will be born
Within me

I break the mirror
And run away
What was I thinking of?!
Things don't change
They only get worse
Still...
The doubt is there