The reaction to my sharing was this:-
I had an idea of some but to such a degree?? Not at all."
I am sure he will not mind me posting that line. He is a good friend, one of those who is there even if you don't have daily, weekly, monthly or even yearly contact. One of the very few I can trust.
Sitting in quiet contemplation I have looked back at my wasted life. I have now been able to see clearly patterns of behaviour, cycles of living, ways to cope that I have been through. I have been driven by a need to belong. To be wanted. The survival instinct in me has taken me to some extremes of behaviour, I am not proud of many of them.
Survived is what I have done, sometimes by the skin of my teeth, sometimes despite my own best efforts to destroy myself.
I have survived. That in itself is revenge. Those family members who said to me I would never amount to anything were wrong. Just carrying on a semblance of a normal life was revenge, surviving. Being a success, being able to totally move on, being able to share my experiences and looking to help others is my goal.
I want to live my life, not survive.
The Boy That Lived.