Thursday, 11 August 2011

YOU!

Memories cut my flesh
I remember, I remember
You are the one! You!!!
You broke me, You cut me
You raped me. You humiliated
and you invited your friends too.
You! My own flesh and blood!
Father of my mother, YOU!
You broke my arm, You made me bleed
You, You are nothing, You are dead.
You will never be my family.
You, You will NOT win.
I will shine a light so bright,
I will illuminate your sin, your evil
YOU! You don't frighten me anymore.
You cannot touch me, You are dead.
Yet I will ensure your are remembered
YOU will not be forgotten. But I will forget you.
My life will be rewritten, You will not exist,
You are nothing, no-one, You are less than scum
You were my grandfather, Now you are not.

4 comments:

Veronica Messegee said...

This was very powerful.

The line where you say he wasn't your family really hit me.

One of the hardest things for me to let go of was the desire for family. For me, I had to let go of ALL of my family to break free. I had to do it because even though the others didn't abuse me....they chose to look the other way and support the abusers' denial and blame me....that I was crazy! I was so angry! How is it that I am doing the right thing....being loving...truly loving...changing myself so that I'm not what they tried to make me....and I am the one alone?

I finally realized that we can choose our family. I don't have to be stuck with the one I was born into. I can find others on the path that I am....join hands...and make our way together. Isn't that what family is supposed to be? Traveling together through life, supporting each other when we fall, helping each other over the rough spots?

My abuser keeps spying on me though she's been told to not have contact with me. She continues to try and manipulate and guilt and force me back into the 'family'. Why would I want to go back to that hell hole?

As soon as I started calling her my abuser, or by her first name, instead of mom or my mother....I was free of that physical/emotional tie. She ceased to have power over me. She ceased to BE. Now, what she does, doesn't bother me. I. Feel. Nothing. No hate, anger, sadness, guilt, regret, shame, love....nothing.

So freeing! Your poem illustrates this so well! Thank you!

Metal Man said...

Veronica I am touched by the emotion and also the power you show in that comment. I broke contact with my family for 16 years. I only now have contact with very few of them. None from my mothers side at all, and from my fathers only my half siblings.

You are correct in that we CAN choose our new families, and no-one can stop us. Yes blood family should be there to support you, to lve you and to help you. Frequently they do not. My bitch of a sister was still trying to wield power over me only a few years ago. I finally found the strength to give her both barrels back and some.

Choose your family as you would choose your best friends. You, and others I have communicated with recently, are now part of the extended family I have chosen for myself!

Publicly disown the perverted bitch that abused you. Do it on twitter, don't hold back, let rip.

I am sorry if some of my words are strong, but strength is what WE need and to hell with those who do not or cannot support us.

You are a brave, strong and beautiful person. NEVER forget that and NEVER forget that you were an innocent victim.

All power to you.

Jan

Veronica Messegee said...

I've just started seeing how others in the survivor community could be my family. Thank you for claiming me! lol I'll claim you back.

I don't need to 'let rip' as you put it. I already did that on another blog! (I may have to add some of those posts to my new one, which I have been thinking about). I really do feel nothing. I had my dig at her publicly...knowing she would see...and then I was done! I think I am going to repost those on my current blog....it might help someone other than me....but I don't need it anymore.

Thanks again! I really enjoy your wit...you are a lot of fun!

touched2mysoul said...

You have stated the who, the what, the when and the how of both your hurt going in and your life going forward... Good for you.

The post is strong, strength is what it took to going thru the pain.. strength is what it takes to heal. There is so much strength in your post.

Your posts give me strength because it shows that my thoughts and my feelings are not uncommon... others have had them to. Other surviors....Kinda like a family...
I have learned that family is what you make it..
Thank you for expressing your strength so clearly... it shows and reminds me that we are not alone..

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