Protect ME From What I Want

I wander the desolate streets at night, looking, yearning, terrified
Of finding what I am looking for, Needing the escape from four walls
Trying to make sense of it all, yearning, needing to belong
Somewhere there must be a place, a sanctuary, A home
beyond home where warmth and trust and safety abound
Not lies, pain, mistrust, But love and understanding.
Needing the safety of arms around me, Yet dreading that
Contact so painful, a human touch, a smile, Wanting to trust
Yet wanting to flee, To run into the night and not look back
At the blackness, but the blackness is me, in me.

The pain of knowing I am nothing, yet want to be everything
To someone, who understands and does not condemn, Who can hold
Me and let me hold without restraint, To be touched for
Who I am, not what I am or what I can do. To belong, To be me.
The night hides many sins, the quiet street denies the stampedes of
Chaotic daytime, Behind curtained windows someone waits for me
One day they will wait for me, One day I will hold my head high
and walk the stampeded streets without fear. Outside the night
Is my friend, it welcomes my dark mind, my twisted soul
As would a brother in arms, It understands me.
It protects me from what I want.