1. Healing is “out of control”
“I’d rather have a pain that I know rather than healing because I am not sure I can handle it. I don’t know what it would feel like.” T said to me.
This was not the first or the last time I would ever hear this. The funny thing is people are “not handling” the pain very well now. This is a fake “in control.
”No matter how convincing I am at telling them that healing by definition is good, that it is impossible to be “suffering” and “healed,” that if they are still suffering they are not “healed” yet; many remain immobilized by fear. Unfortunately our ego works very hard to keep the status quo by acting as our protector, conning us that change is “out of our control” and so highly risky. The unknown is thought of as worse than suffering!
This is simply not true. While things happening to us seems out of our control, our response never out of our control. And our response makes all the different to our emotional, spiritual and physical health. Abuse has been disempowering, and finding power in our actions toward healing can change everything! You do have control, and you will only see that once you let go of the false control.
2. I don’t deserve to heal
No survivor would say this about any other survivor, but would still hold this true for herself/himself. (For some reason, he/she believes he/she is the only one unworthy.)
Guilt is pervasive, and so damaging to the heart and soul. It can overwhelm you, often causing you to isolate yourself (because you think you are not worth of company i.e. “I bother people.”), making it even worse.
Guilt pins you to the ground, turning everything into negative, especially compliments. It makes us think we are worse than worthless. It is a prison of the worse kind. We must let guilt go.
Sometime people hold on to their pain, because they think if they felt better, the abuser would be “getting away with it.” Our pain becomes our twisted testimony that we didn’t deserve it. So we feel pervasively worthless but defend our worthiness with our pain. This inner conflict is the high walls around the prison, it keeps us confused and vulnerable.
For the record, everybody deserves to heal! Everyone is lovable, too! You deserve to let go of the effects of the abuse. It was horrific and should never have happened. It was not OK. And you kept hold of what was important to you despite it. You survived and you are here wanting to move on. Take that step. Love yourself enough to.
3. I don’t trust myself
Many people who have been abused think it is not possible for them to heal. They assume it is hard to make a change or make a decision. This is because they do not trust themselves to make it. They feel like everything is just out of their reach. That there is something everyone knows, yet they are excluded from the skills and knowledges.
They use “one old bad decision” as evidence that they are worthless in having skills. This is wrong. People who have been abused have greater skills than anyone, they survived one of the worst things that can happen to a human being. THAT is not easy. It is when they begin to trust themselves that their anxiety goes away. It is when they realize they direct their life, not by what happens but by their response to it that they can see themselves and their world differently.Healing for you. It is for everyone. Know, believe, trust. It is time.
Jodi is hosting a Reclaiming Your Soul: Healing from Sexual Abuse and Sexual Assault Retreat April 12-14, 2013 in Ithaca NY. You deserve this and you can trust yourself!
Experience a structured program using movement, meditation, writing, and time with nature. Take back your life from the devastating effects of sexual abuse and assault. Re-story your life and minimize fear, doubt, and shame. Find peace of mind. Feel validated and less alone. Recover your spirituality. Empower your self. Embrace joy.
Cost $264 Program, vegetarian meals Saturday and Sunday, private rooms, and bedding are provided.
Download registration form in PDF and mail it in or register Online.
Jodi is a practicing therapist, author, and teacher. She works primarily with people who have lived through trauma. Her workshops and retreats jump start healing by inspiring self-love.With over two decades of experience helping children, families, and individuals eliminate suffering, she has dedicated her life to assist in healing physically, emotionally, mentally, and spirituality.
She blogs here: Heal Now and Forever Be In Peace,
tweets here: Twitter@JodiAman,
inspires here: Facebook: Heal Now and Forever Be in Peace,
Call for an appointment 585-544-5342