Saturday, 10 January 2015

Changes and Chances

Life is for the living.. As my twitter bio states - " So many people spend their time worrying about life after death but forget to actually live before they die."

Many would say that I should shut up and listen to my own advice. I had a "rebirth" three years ago. My life crumbled and turned to ashes, and yes, like the fabled Phoenix, I emerged. I did not fly however, I stumbled around, getting my bearings. Now I'm ready to test those wings. 

Those that know me well understand that there is much in this life I want to achieve but circumstances do not currently permit this. I am, however, a patient man. 

I don't worry about what will happen when I die, as die I most certainly will. The promise of the afterlife or suchlike has no hold over me. Today is now. Tomorrow is something I cannot plan for, or change. Yesterday is gone. I live for today and hope that tomorrow will be kind.

The choices I make, and will make, might not be to everyones liking. They will be MY choices. In this one life I have been given, I will do my utmost to help others, to help myself, be happy. To be free. 

There are people who would silence me, control me. I say this to them.. 

I must do what I think is the right thing. I am no longer afraid of what others might think of me. Their opinion is theirs alone. If I make mistakes, then they are MY mistakes to make.

Richness of spirit does not depend on whether we are "religious" or not. As long as what we do in life harms nobody, then what we do is our own concern. Being a good person is not dependent on whether we worship a deity, attend church or call ourselves religious - Being a good person comes from within. It's something we do, not something we claim to be.

Many claim that forgiveness of others that have committed a crime against our person is the only way to find peace. I refuse to forgive those that assaulted my body and my innocence when I was a child. They committed a crime, a vile, disgusting, perverted crime that corroded almost my entire adult life to date. Forgive that? NOI am free of the past and I did not forgive. If forgiveness is what it takes for you to move on, then so be it. Please do not be persuaded that it is a necessary stage. Another bizarre claim is that such people could be treated, rehabilitated and returned to society with no risk or danger to others. Again I strongly disagree.

My beliefs and opinions may not be yours, and I am not forcing you to adopt my way of thinking. I simply want my opinions to be a matter of record.

Another point I would like to clarify is this. I campaign for victims of abuse to step forward and disclose what happened to them. I actively encourage it because it is the only way that the true extent of these crimes can be made public. Disclosure in itself can lift a massive weight from the shoulders of the victims. However, If someone is not able to disclose, for whatever reason I do not think it right that they should be forced or cajoled to do so. Personal safety first and foremost. Always ensure that your well being will not be compromised. If your circumstances are such that you are no longer at risk, then please do not try and face the disclosure and your "healing" journey alone. 

I am not a therapist, I have no qualifications in any field relating to counselling or mental health. I do however have a great deal of first hand experience. I have studied a great deal on these topics. My purpose, my plan, is to educate, to be a voice, to stand up and be counted for both myself and for those who are unable to use their own voice. We are all uniquely individual. I do not have a quick fix, or even a generalised fix. I share with you what works for me and I invite others to this blog to do the same. I hope that from our experiences that others can find a path that works for them. 

Recovery from trauma is not easy. Sorry to be so blunt. Recovery and the ability to live your life free from the chains that bound you in the past is more than possible. It is very doable. The process can itself be very painful, but you are in control of that. Control is the key. You are the master or mistress of your own future. By taking the decision to disclose and free yourself from the past YOU are in charge. Take big strides or baby steps, you decide what works for you. Do not allow yourself to be pushed into doing things that make you feel unsafe. Ease yourself into it, take a deep breath, and stay in control.

This post has covered a few things that have been playing on my mind recently. It's from the heart, so forgive me if it's a little jumbled... 

Life is a gift and we must live in the present. 

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