Finding My Way Back

 I have been quiet for quite a while. 

Not because I had nothing to say, but because I needed to hear myself again.
To grow. To heal. To rage. To question whether I was still sane after what happened in 2021. 

I ended a pseudo relationship that had not brought joy for a long time. I spoke that truth, not once, but twice before I asked them to leave. What followed was bitterness, gaslighting, accusation. For five days, I was kept from peace in my own home. They wouldn’t leave. They woke me in the night, gaslighting me, taunting me, . They accused me of cruelty toward my late wife. They twisted my silence into guilt, and when I cracked, when I threw a torn sheet of crumpled paper in frustration, when I met anger with anger, I was labelled the abuser.

They left, eventually.

But not without taking a part of my future, money I never saw again. Money that could have changed the shape of my disabled life. A new stairlift. A proper mobility vehicle, a mobility scooter. Adaptations to make my home kinder to my body.

It took me over a year to accept I’d never recover those funds, that I had been the victim of Domestic Abuse (confirmed by my Doctor and two therapists).

In that year though, something began to return, something more valuable than anything else they stole.

My voice.

I have been biding my time, keeping as busy as this damaged body allows, collecting evidence and statements. I have been busy in other ways too.

On June 29th, I posted again. And I meant every word.

Older. Wiser. Stronger than I’ve ever been. And far, far more determined.

What I’ve Done Since

Not only have I completed Book 2 of the Beyond Survivor trilogy, I’ve also reclaimed the rights to Book 1 (Beyond Survivor – Rising from the Ashes of Childhood Sexual Abuse). Both books have now been released in:

• Ebook

• Paperback

• Hardcover

• Audiobook

Book 1 has been slightly revised with new content. Book 2, Phoenix Warriors (co-authored with Donna Bailey), goes further, not just in testimony but in offering solidarity, strength and therapeutic advice to other survivors.

And there's more.

Over the past few years I’ve written four other books — not on trauma, but still deeply personal. They will be released by autumn. And I have begun work on Book 3 of the Beyond Survivor trilogy.

No, I won’t be returning to the constant energy of blogging and online presence. That pace, that exposure, it took too much from me. I write about that in Phoenix Warriors. But I will speak again, from time to time. When I have something that matters.

You will see me less on X (Twitter), more often here, and increasingly present on Facebook, where I’m building new pages to carry this work forward.

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For Now

Thank you, to those still walking with me.
My voice will not be silenced again.
And I promise you this:

One day, I will tell it all.

Jan