Friday, 10 May 2013

Speaking Up And Speaking Out via @Hidden_Beth #endbullying

You know when you feel like the whole World is against you, when you walk down a street you feel that everyone’s eyes are on you, and that nobody can understand. That’s me, every single day.

The thing is though.. I’m not being bullied anymore, I’m just living with the affects of what happened to me. I wouldn’t change my past for absolutely anything though, I am such a different person, I like the way I treat people, I love what I am doing with my blog etc, I love how I have such big ideas regarding bullying and what more I can do, I have never been so motivated before.

The only thing keeping me here is my motivation to help others.

Every single day I go through the same thoughts and feelings, that I don’t want to live anymore, but I remind myself of my blog, and my wish to one day start my own charity.
Every single day, I just think, you know what.. what’s the point. But then I just think, these people, have made me feel like this, these people, their comments and their actions have made me feel so low that I’d rather be dead.
I try so hard to block the thoughts out, but its so hard with no support.
Some days my mental health is so bad that I just want to take myself to hospital because I feel so unsafe and scared. I just want to give up, but I know I can’t, I have things to do, and things to achieve, people to help etc.

I see the people who bullied me, and I just laugh to myself, that they’re living their lives normally not knowing what so ever what they put me through. And sometimes I wonder, if I did tell them.. what would their reaction be? 

Do you know what annoys me, how people who have been bullied don’t get the support they really need. I had support when I was under 18, but now, the mental health team keep turning me down for support.
I was receiving therapy once a week between 15-18, and I was so used to having that support, and it was so helpful, and then as soon as I turned 18 they started talking to me about leaving, and then when I left, I was offered no support at all, so it went from support once a week, talking to someone, to absolutely nothing.
I have support from my GP, she put me on the medication, she talks to me about once every 2 weeks, she’s been amazing through all of this, she’s never given up on me, even when I told her that she can’t help me, and wanted to walk out, she carried on.

My motivation to start my own charity is so big! And I just wish I knew how to go about it, I’ve been emailing round, but I can’t seem to find any answers. 

So if anyone has any ideas or advice please let me know!

I hope that you will support me on my journey to get my voice heard. Your support means absolutely everything!

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