Red Flags And Grooming Behaviours #childabuse

The following study illustrates red flags and grooming behaviors:

Berliner, L. & Conte, J.R. (1990). The Process of Victimization: The victims' perspective. Child Abuse & Neglect, 14, 29-40. N=23, 21 females, 2 males (10-18 years)
"Red Flags" or pre-abuse indicators reported by child victims %

• Treated them differently from other kid 78%
• Told them not to tell mother about things did together 74
• "Accidentally" came into bed/bathroom when undressed 70
• Looked at them in a funny or sexual way 65
• Wanted to spend time alone, made excuses to do so 61
• "Accidentally" touched their private parts 61
• Did not respect privacy 61
• Said they were special, only one who understands 61
• Threatened them like an adult, he acted as a kid 61
• "Accidentally" showed his/her body naked 61
• Did things that involved physical contact 57
• Gave special privileges, made feel obligated 57
• Asked questions about sex, boyfriends 52
• Came in bedroom at night 52
• Said sexual things about their body/dress 48
• Told them private things about their mother/his wife 39
• Did not let have friends, do things like other kids 39
• "Taught sex" with pornography or touching their body 30
• Treated meaner than others 30
• Talked about sexual things he had done 26
• Put lotion or ointment on them when alone 22

"Grooming behaviors" are often done to prepare the victim to be compliant, taking small steps, gradually leading up to sexual activity. Children often respond to secrecy.
Justifications offenders give to victim children

• 70% You like it
• 61 Nobody will find out
• 57 I'm not really hurting you
• 48 You look older than you really are
• 44 I won't do it anymore
• 44 You are very mature for your age
• 44 You are very mature for your age
• 44 You want me to do this
• 39 My wife doesn't love me
• 35 It makes me feel better
• 30 I need love and affection too
• 30 I'm just going to play around
• 30 I'm teaching you about sex
• 30 You haven't told me to stop
• 22 You are not my real daughter
• 13% At least I'm not screwing you

Majority 61% 14/23 said they did not know that they were being sexually abused initially.
Others blamed themselves. "He told me I was bad, a slut, I thought I deserved it. I didn't know it was wrong but it didn't feel right. He made it sound like it was my idea and he was willing to teach me.

Coercion Used:

• 61% experienced threats
• He would kill me, cut off my fingers
• Give me a Belting
• Your mother will leave you, your family will be separated
• Our mother will be mad at you.
• You don't wanta get me in trouble
• He said he would kill himself if I told
• My family would be shamed for ever, be broken up
• 39% Indirect, Emotional coercion, exploiting child's vulnerability, or bribery, get special privileges
• Everyone will think I was a slut
• I would feel rotten for the rest of my life
• I would be a scum
• Nobody would like me
• Most were told to keep abuse secret- 70%