But knowledge of these characteristics coupled with questionable behavior can be used as an alert that someone may be a paedophile.
- Often the paedophile is male and over 30 years of age.
- Single or with few friends in his age group.
- If married, the relationship is more “companion” based with no sexual relations.
- He is often vague about time gaps in employment which may indicate a loss in employment for questionable reasons or possible past incarceration.
- He is often fascinated with children and child activities appearing to prefer those activities to adult oriented activities.
- He will often refer to children in pure or angelic terms using descriptives like innocent, heavenly, divine, pure, and other words that describe children but seem inappropriate and exaggerated.
- He has hobbies that are child-like such as collecting popular expensive toys, keeping reptiles or exotic pets, or building plane and car models.
- Paedophiles often have a specific age of child they target. Some prefer younger children, some older.
- Often his environment or a special room will be decorated in child-like decor and will appeal to the age and sex of the child he is trying to entice.
- Many paedophiles often prefer children close to puberty who are sexually inexperienced, but curious about sex.
The paedophile will often be employed in a position that involves daily contact with children. If not employed, he will put himself in a position to do volunteer work with children, often in a supervisory capacity such as sports coaching, contact sport instruction, unsupervised tutoring or a position where he has the opportunity to spend unsupervised time with a child.
The paedophile often seeks out shy, handicapped, and withdrawn children, or those who come from troubled homes or under privileged homes. He then showers them with attention, gifts, taunting them with trips to desirable places like amusement parks, zoo’s, concerts, the beach and other such places.
Paedophiles work to master their manipulative skills and often unleash them on troubled children by first becoming their friend, building the the child’s self esteem. They may refer to the child as special or mature, appealing to their need to be heard and understood then entice them with adult type activities that are often sexual in content such as x-rated movies or pictures. They offer them alcohol or drugs to hamper their ability to resist activities or recall events that occurred.
It is not unusual for the child to develop feelings for the predator and desire their approval and continued acceptance. They will compromise their innate ability to decipher good and bad behavior, ultimately justifying the criminal’s bad behavior out of sympathy and concern for the adults welfare. This is often compared to Stockholm Syndrome – when victims become attached emotionally to their captors.
Many times paedophiles will develop a close relationship with a single parent in order to get close to their children. Once inside the home, they have many opportunities to manipulate the children — using guilt, fear, and love to confuse the child. If the child’s parent works, it offers the paedophile the private time needed to abuse the child.
Paedophiles work hard at stalking their targets and will patiently work to develop relationships with them. It is not uncommon for them to be developing a long list of potential victims at any one time. Many of them believe that what they are doing is not wrong and that having sex with a child is actually “healthy” for the child.
Almost all paedophiles have a collection of pornography, which they protect at all costs. Many of them also collect “souvenirs” from their victims. They rarely discard either their porn or collections for any reason.
pedophilia n. an obsession with children as sex objects. Overt acts, including taking sexual explicit photographs, molesting children, and exposing one’s genitalia to children are all crimes. The problem with these crimes is that pedophilia is also treated as a mental illness, and the pedophile is often released only to repeat the crimes or escalate the activity to the level of murder
Myths & Facts about Male Victimization:
- Myth: Far more females are abused as children than males.
- Fact: Until the age of twelve, rates of sexual abuse of male and female children are approximately equal.
- Myth: It is unusual for men to be sexually assaulted as adults.
- Fact: Studies indicate that one in six men (excluding the prison population) are sexually assaulted in their lifetime.
- Myth: Men cannot be victims of intimate partner violence, especially in heterosexual relationships.
- Fact: Although it is much less likely for a man to be a victim and a woman to be an abuser, anyone can be a victim of intimate partner violence. Abuse is about power and control, not size or strength. Men can fall victim to abuse for the same reasons that women do.
- Myth: Men who sexually abuse or rape boys or men are generally homosexual.
- Fact: The vast majority of male sexual predators who assault men or boys are heterosexual. In fact, homosexual men are far less likely than heterosexual men to engage in sexual assault. Sexual assault has far more to do with power and control than sexuality. Over 50% of predators choose victims of either gender.
- Myth: Women never sexually abuse men or boys.
- Fact: Although far less common, women can be sexual perpetrators to both young boys and adult males.
- Myth: Most male survivors of childhood abuse were assaulted by a family member or relative.
- Fact: Although many men are survivors of childhood sexual abuse by a family member or relative, research indicates that adolescent boys are more likely to be abused by strangers or authority figures in an organization, such as school, youth group, athletic team, scouting, or church-related groups.
- Myth: Males who are sexually assaulted are more likely to “become” homosexual.
- Fact: Male perpetrators attack and abuse both heterosexual and homosexual boys and men. Studies have shown that male childhood sexual abuse has little to no affect on the development of the survivor’s sexual orientation.
- Myth: Male survivors are likely to become sexual predators themselves.
- Fact: Although most predators are survivors of sexual abuse, the vast majority of male survivors do not become predators.
The Five Stages of Grooming By a PaedophileNinety percent of child molesters know their victims. Would you recognize a predator near your family? Dr. Phil explains the five stages a pedophile goes through to groom a victim:
Stage 1: Identifying a Possible Victim
Although pedophiles differ in their “type” regarding age, appearance and gender, all pedophiles will look for a victim who seems in some way vulnerable.
Stage 2: Collecting Information
The next step is for the pedophile to collect as much information on the targeted victim as possible. This is most commonly done through casual conversations with both the child and the parents or caretaker.
Stage 3: Filling a Need
Once the individual has the information he needs, he then becomes part of the child’s life by filling a need. If the victim is poor, for example, the pedophile will provide him/her with expensive toys. If the victim is lonely, the pedophile will act as a friend.
Stage 4: Lowering Inhibitions
The pedophile will then start to lower the child’s inhibitions concerning sexual matters. He may come up with games or activities that involve getting undressed, make sexual comments or show the child pornographic images or pictures.
Stage 5: Initiating the Abuse
At this final stage, the pedophile begins to sexually abuse the child.
“A big portion of these pedophiles will pick a family that is distressed,” Dr. Phil says. “They’ll pick someone who’s underfunded, maybe both parents are working or it’s a single mother, there may be illness in the family and the kids are kind of being pushed to the side and being neglected. So we have this savior that comes in and says, ‘Hey, let me help out’… What this tells you is those who seem to be helping the most, those who maybe seem to be the most kind, the most giving, the most willing, the most helpful and available, are the very ones you need to audit the most.” He adds, “Pay attention if there’s somebody who knows too much about what your children are into.”