The Secret Garden Of My Fears #poetry #depression

Here I am again, alone
under the pensive moonlight
painting the leaves with
silent songs of sadness.

The rainbow of my moods, crushed,
to a single dreary hue.
The womb of my longings, gutted,
coloring the carpet of withered blooms.

No more summer blue skies ...
Just wintry nights ...

The safety of my innocence, picked,
my intellect, raped,
the river of my thoughts, sullied,
My heart, stilled.

I walk through my secret garden,
the secret garden of my fears.
Alone.

The Voice Of Silence #childabuse #poetry

Listen the voice of my Silence
My words travel without sound
I met a fallen star on my way
It told me I should open up and cry
I told myself I don't go there anymore

The moon lights the full dew fields
She's filled with beauty and so bright,
but so sad and alone, all stars wish upon her
But her pride keeps her higher
I wanted to reach her by a jump
I needed her light to find my way out

When hearts sleep and souls dream
She's still there in the starry sky
Condemned to be beautiful, yet alone

The light so warm and golden will light the way
And the morning sky will sweep away the stars
That happily lie on a black blanket
The hearts wake up again, a day is come
The flash of a blood-stained sun covers
My eyes, and the way I will not find anymore

And I will wander again without directions
Watching faces both weeping and joyful
That mix in my dead and lonely mind
I will wander looking for this warm light
That comforted me in the cold night
But I know I will find nothing
And so I will stop another time,

Listen to the voice of my silence
The Words do flow like a river
And I will wait for the return of my Moon
Bringing with her a light so bright and sweet
No confusion, she will take me on my way
We will dance and talk all night
When Hearts and Souls dream tender

Demons Of Despair

The world is crashing down

Just a few days ago I was happy as a clown.
I wandered this earth in the security of a love bubble
Laughing away problems with the ease of a chuckle.

The bubble has been shattered
My bloated body lay battered.
An army of demons demolished my happiness
And doomed me to live an eternity in loneliness.

My self belief has vanished
My dignity has been banished.
My heart is shattered, my mind in turmoil
A simple thought of my reality sends the blood to boil.

I have nothing left
Because of this theft;
My dreams are gone
So I am forced to await the dawn.

Hoping that with the coming of the new day,
A sign will come that everything will be okay.
Desperately I wait, like a dying patient for a cure,
The coming of a new life, pristine and pure.

I hope with this new life, There will be no strife.
My heart will begin repair, Ridding itself of despair,
Regaining its capacity
to care.

The dust in my mind will begin to settle,
Blood will no longer boil like a tea kettle.
Happiness will reign again like a king on his throne,
All that is left of my former life is a pile of rotting bones.

For a new day has dawned,
A new life has spawned.
Time will heal all wounds love can cause;
Yet fate has its claws,

Deep within me.
Love is the key, to survival,
Life without love is no life at all.
Though love is the demon known to maul

Anyone that touches it or gets too close by;
Leaving the desperate for love, to suffer, and die.....

I smile to myself. It feels familiar. 

It's time to go. My horns need polishing.

The Despairing Man

A heaviness weighs upon me, crushing my spirit with an uncaring ease
This rollercoaster no fairground ride, more a living hell, why do I struggle
A day of feeling unworthy, a day where the silver lining is soiled and peeling
Why should I bother when for each step forward I am kicked back three.

To reach this point has been no easy task, the decision to go on based more
On the needs of others, not my own. I feel unable to do this just for me.
Not yet, not now. Later. Those damn tears threaten to break free, but
They remain trapped in a time now long past, yet as fresh as yesterday.

Trying do do right, I appear to be doing opposite. This cloud of despair renewed
Though I thought it dissipating. No. To truely be free of my demons might be
one step that I am not able to make. Not yet, one day, perhaps. We'll see.
A heaviness weighs upon me, I have not the strength to resist.

Aug 19 2011