Wednesday, 9 May 2012

My Ten Commandments #ChildAbuse #Recovery


These are my ideas only, my ways of dealing with what was done to me. They might not work for everyone but they worked for me. Please remember I am not a therapist, Doctor or counsellor. I am just a man.


1. Acknowledge that something terrible happened. It is not your imagination! You were a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Do not try to deal with it on your own. Share your memories and emotions with a loved one.

2. Allow yourself to recognise your feelings. There may be sadness, anger, fear, guilt, and shame. Reject those feelings that are destructive to yourself such as guilt and shame. You were the victim.

3. Find a support group and or therapist. Discuss the abuse as thoroughly as you are comfortable with. In time you will be able to discuss everything. Suppressed memories fester. Expose the hurt and allow it to heal.

4. Do NOT blame yourself! Your actions as a child were in no way to blame for what happened to you. If others try to blame you then dump them in the rubbish bin of your life.

5. If there was any part of the abuse that was pleasurable to you (more attention, gifts, bribes, feelings of being cared about) Do NOT feel guilty. You were being used and any good feelings were there to coerce you.

6. Forgive yourself. It is your choice whether or not you chose to forgive the abuser/s. Never feel pressurised to forgive those that abused you.

7. Do allow yourself to be angry! You have every right to be angry. Take this anger out in a safe way. Punch hell out of a pillow, a punchbag or a soft chair. Do not punch walls (that hurts you)or people who care about you (that hurts them).

8. Do not allow the past to control you. You control your present and the choices you make affect your future. The abuse happened. It cannot be undone. You have the chance to make your future a better place.

9. Love yourself. You are a wonderful unique human being. What happened to you is in no way a reflection of who you are. It might have affected your life to date, but was in no way your fault. Love yourself and allow yourself to be loved.

10. Never forget that you are not alone. Reach out to someone if you feel low. Support and help is there. There are numerous online ways to chat with fellow victims. You are not a freak. The abusers are the freaks.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

These suggestions could be very helpful.
Beth Fehlbaum, author
The Patience Trilogy
The story of a teen's recovery from childhood sexual abuse
http://www.bethfehlbaumya.com

Unknown said...

Thank you for being a voice for all of us. <3

Mona Karel said...

The more I talk with people the more I learn a "normal" childhood is in the minority.And it does make me so sad.

longhorn72 said...

you have a choice whether to forgive or not, the same choice a person has whether to pull the cord or not after they have jumped out of the airplane.

if you think you are not going to let the past control you, but you have not yet reached forgiveness, you are sadly deluded. there is much hard work, much grief and rage yet to be walked thru to find forgiveness, don't sit down now.

RainFae said...

Its ironic to me that this post was made on my 23 birthday, the day i finally decided to let go and move on from the horrible things that happened to me. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

longhorn72 is mistaken. Forgiveness of the abuser is NOT necessary. That is a religious notion & doesn't apply here. Working on healing from csa is not like skydiving. It's pushing a brick off your own chest. Most abusers don't accept responsibility for their actions thus they don't require or ask for forgiveness. And the 'victim' has already been forced to 'give' enough.

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