Male Survivors of Sexual Violence - Myths and Misconceptions

There are various stereotypes and myths that surround the adult male survivors' ability to face the sexual abuse or rape. These include:-


•Males don't feel emotions as readily as women so are less likely to be hurt by the abuse.
•Males are supposed to be big and strong therefore able to deal with and fight off abuse.
•Males cannot be raped by women.
•Males enjoy all sex, so they must have enjoyed the abuse or rape.
•Males should not cry or express their pain.
•Male victims are more likely to become abusers or rapists.

These common misconceptions and myths frequently lead to the following:-

•Loss of self-asteem and self worth.
•Doubts over their masculinity
•Self-blame and guilt
•Feelings of shame, disgust, anger, loss,
•Feelings of powerlessness, apprehension, withdrawal, and embarrassment
•Fears that they won't be able to protect and support their families
•Sexual difficulties and insecurities
•Self harming (drinking, drug use, aggression, attempted suicide)
•Intimacy issues
•Questioning of sexual identity
•Fear of losing friends or family
•Fear that they will be judged, not helped.


Myth #1 - Boys and men can't be victims.

This myth, instilled through masculine gender socialization and sometimes referred to as the "macho image," declares that males, even young boys, are not supposed to be victims or even vulnerable. We learn very early that males should be able to protect themselves. In truth, boys are children - weaker and more vulnerable than their perpetrators - who cannot really fight back. Why? The perpetrator has greater size, strength, and knowledge. This power is exercised from a position of authority, using resources such as money or other bribes, or outright threats - whatever advantage can be taken to use a child for sexual purposes.

Myth #2 - Most sexual abuse of boys is perpetrated by homosexual males.

Pedophiles who molest boys are not expressing a homosexual orientation any more than pedophiles who molest girls are practicing heterosexual behaviors. While many child molesters have gender and/or age preferences, of those who seek out boys, the vast majority are not homosexual. They are pedophiles.

Myth #3 - If a boy experiences sexual arousal or orgasm from abuse, this means he was a willing participant or enjoyed it

In reality, males can respond physically to stimulation (get an erection) even in traumatic or painful sexual situations. Therapists who work with sexual offenders know that one way a perpetrator can maintain secrecy is to label the child's sexual response as an indication of his willingness to participate. "You liked it, you wanted it," they'll say. Many survivors feel guilt and shame because they experienced physical arousal while being abused. Physical (and visual or auditory) stimulation is likely to happen in a sexual situation. It does not mean that the child wanted the experience or understood what it meant at the time.

Myth #4 - Boys are less traumatized by the abuse experience than girls.

While some studies have found males to be less negatively affected, more studies show that long term effects are quite damaging for either sex. Males may be more damaged by society's refusal or reluctance to accept their victimization, and by their resultant belief that they must "tough it out" in silence.

Myth #5 - Boys abused by males are or will become homosexual.

While there are different theories about how the sexual orientation develops, experts in the human sexuality field do not believe that premature sexual experiences play a significant role in late adolescent or adult sexual orientation. It is unlikely that someone can make another person a homosexual or heterosexual. Sexual orientation is a complex issue and there is no single answer or theory that explains why someone identifies himself as homosexual, heterosexual or bi-sexual. Whether perpetrated by older males or females, boys' or girls' premature sexual experiences are damaging in many ways, including confusion about one's sexual identity and orientation.Many boys who have been abused by males erroneously believe that something about them sexually attracts males, and that this may mean they are homosexual or effeminate. Again, not true. Pedophiles who are attracted to boys will admit that the lack of body hair and adult sexual features turns them on. The pedophile's inability to develop and maintain a healthy adult sexual relationship is the problem - not the physical features of a sexually immature boy.

Myth #6 - The "Vampire Syndrome" that is, boys who are sexually abused, like the victims of Count Dracula, go on to "bite" or sexually abuse others.

This myth is especially dangerous because it can create a terrible stigma for the child, that he is destined to become an offender. Boys might be treated as potential perpetrators rather than victims who need help. While it is true that most perpetrators have histories of sexual abuse, it is NOT true that most victims go on to become perpetrators. Research by Jane Gilgun, Judith Becker and John Hunter found a primary difference between perpetrators who were sexually abused and sexually abused males who never perpetrated: non-perpetrators told about the abuse, and were believed and supported by significant people in their lives. Again, the majority of victims do not go on to become adolescent or adult perpetrators; and those who do perpetrate in adolescence usually don't perpetrate as adults if they get help when they are young.

Myth #7 - If the perpetrator is female, the boy or adolescent should consider himself fortunate to have been initiated into heterosexual activity.

In reality, premature or coerced sex, whether by a mother, aunt, older sister, baby-sitter or other female in a position of power over a boy, causes confusion at best, and rage,depression or other problems in more negative circumstances. To be used as a sexual object by a more powerful person, male or female, is always abusive and often damaging supposed to be the strong ones, it often means that they do not accept, cover up or "forget" what happened to them. If they do recall they are more likely NOT to seek help and therapy. Men are supposed to be able to cope with anything.

MORE Myths about Sexual Abuse #childabuse

Myths about Sexual Abuse

WHAT'S ALL THE FUSS? Sexual abuse is a widespread problem in our society. It is estimated that one out of three girls and one out of five boys (Whitsell-Mitchell, 1995) are sexually abused by the age of 18. Researchers believe this is only the "tip of the iceberg." Sexual abuse has many negative consequences for the child, family and all involved. There is something you can do about it. Therapy is an essential part of the healing process. With treatment, children who have been sexually abused are able to lead normal, healthy lives by learning how to better accept and cope with the abuse. Therapy is an essential part of this process. Here are some of the common myths people give as reasons not to follow through with therapy.

Myth 1 - Children who have been sexually abused will grow out of it. This is true for some children; however, there is no research or testing that can identify those children. Many children who have been sexually abused suffer both short- and long-term negative effects. These include: Short-term Effects Loss of appetite, nightmares, bedwetting, excessive fears, social or emotional withdrawal, obsessive cleanliness, change in sleep habits, inappropriate sexual behavior, difficulty in social relationships, decreased school performance Long-term Effects Depression, anxiety, isolation, poor self-esteem, difficulty trusting others, substance abuse, interpersonal problems, possibility of future abuse, eating disorders, suicide, aggressive behavior. *It is important to note that these long-term behaviors may emerge in adulthood.*

Myth 2 - Children are too young to remember being abused. Children's recollections are much better than was once believed. In the past, it was believed that young children could not remember events. Actually, they are able to remember events quite accurately. However, they simply lack the verbal skills to express themselves.

Myth 3 - How can this be bothering my child? He or she never talks about it. There are several reasons why a child may not talk about the abuse. b) The child may not have the verbal skills to express him/herself. c) The child may fear upsetting the adult by talking about the event. d) It may be too painful for the child to talk about. e) The child may fear destroying the family. f) The child may fear getting the perpetrator into legal trouble.

Myth 4 - My child was the one who was sexually abused. Why do I need treatment? There are several reasons why the non-offending parent should be part of treatment. a) It is important to have a safe place for the parent to express his or her thoughts and feelings and receive emotional support. b) It is important to learn how to help and support the child who has been sexually abused. The single most important factor in a child's recovery is the parent's reaction to the abuse (Kendall-Tackett, et al., 1993). c) Sexual abuse affects the whole family. The symptoms of the child directly impact the family. However, research shows that d) families who acknowledge and partake in treatment improve more quickly than families who do not. e) If the parent has been sexually abused, the abuse of the child may bring the adult's problems to the forefront.

Myth 5 - Treatment will be expensive, especially if it involves the whole family. This may be the case for some other programs, but not for Family Learning Program (FLP). FLP is funded so that clients may pay on a sliding scale. Clients pay what they can afford. No family will be turned away because of finances.

Myth 6 - We have no time for therapy. While it is true that therapy takes time, treatment is necessary and essential. Most parents would never sacrifice their child's medical treatment due to time constraints, so why sacrifice his/her mental health. Ignoring the need for treatment will only worsen the problem and possibly cause serious long-term consequences for both the child and family.

Myth 7 - My family's problems are private. It is no one else's business. Chances are the abuse itself involved a component of secrecy. To lessen a child's shame and guilt, the secrecy must end. It is important to speak openly about the abuse. Furthermore, group participation can offer support and information from others with similar experiences. Confidentiality is maintained by the therapists and strongly encouraged among the group members.

Myth 8 - My child stated he/she was abused and then said nothing happened. Often times a child will take back what he/she has said (recanting) as part of a reaction to the disclosure process. Children may perceive that they are blamed or not believed. They may feel pressure from family members or the perpetrator to keep the family intact. A child may be threatened by the perpetrator to recant. Finally, a child's recanting may be a reaction to a variety of circumstances, such as court testimony, police investigation, removal from the family, etc.

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