Finding My Way Back

 I have been quiet for quite a while. 

Not because I had nothing to say — but because I needed to hear myself again.
To grow. To heal. To rage. To question whether I was still sane after what happened in 2021. 

I ended a pseudo relationship that had not brought joy for a long time. I spoke that truth — not once, but twice — before I asked them to leave. What followed was bitterness, gaslighting, accusation. For five days, I was kept from peace in my own home. They wouldn’t leave. They woke me in the night, gaslighting me, taunting me, . They accused me of cruelty toward my late wife. They twisted my silence into guilt, and when I cracked — when I threw a torn sheet of crumpled paper in frustration, when I met anger with anger — I was labelled the abuser.

They left, eventually.

But not without taking a part of my future — money I never saw again. Money that could have changed the shape of my disabled life. A new stairlift. A proper mobility vehicle, a mobility scooter. Adaptations to make my home kinder to my body.

It took me over a year to accept I’d never recover those funds, that I had been the victim of Domestic Abuse (confirmed by my Doctor and two therapists).

In that year though, something began to return — something more valuable than anything else they stole.

My voice.

I have been biding my time, keeping as busy as this damaged body allows, collecting evidence and statements. I have been busy in other ways too.

On June 29th, I posted again. And I meant every word.

Older. Wiser. Stronger than I’ve ever been. And far, far more determined.

What I’ve Done Since

Not only have I completed Book 2 of the Beyond Survivor trilogy, I’ve also reclaimed the rights to Book 1 (Beyond Survivor – Rising from the Ashes of Childhood Sexual Abuse). Both books have now been released in:

• Ebook

• Paperback

• Hardcover

• Audiobook

Book 1 has been slightly revised with new content. Book 2, Phoenix Warriors (co-authored with Donna Bailey), goes further — not just in testimony but in offering solidarity, strength and therapeutic advice to other survivors.

And there's more.

Over the past few years I’ve written four other books — not on trauma, but still deeply personal. They will be released by autumn. And I have begun work on Book 3 of the Beyond Survivor trilogy.

No, I won’t be returning to the constant energy of blogging and online presence. That pace, that exposure — it took too much from me. I write about that in Phoenix Warriors. But I will speak again, from time to time. When I have something that matters.

You will see me less on X (Twitter), more often here, and increasingly present on Facebook, where I’m building new pages to carry this work forward.

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For Now

Thank you — to those still walking with me.
My voice will not be silenced again.
And I promise you this:

One day, I will tell it all.

— Jan