Wednesday 31 December 2014

Anti-Victim Prejudice #AVP Quick Fix 2015 #childabuse via @ShyKeenan

#AVP Quick Fix 2015
1/ Outlaw all Anti-Victim Prejudice social and establishment practices.
2/ Do not use Anti-Victim Prejudice language.
3/ Give those victimised by paedophile crimes an #AVP FREE #CSAInquiry.
4/ Enshrine ‘Victim’s Right’s’ in law.
5/ Take all ‘reporting the crime’ time limits away from all paedophile crimes.
6/ Start undoing the #AVP social grooming by encouraging all child victims and adult victims of child sexual abuse to report FIRST to the police, then their GP and then to the victim support/child protection charities …in that order.
7/ Take the lead child protection remit away from social services and give it (and the proper funding) to the police.
8/ With the new lead child protection remit, set up police child protection units in every major police force area/station, whose office is next door to the brand new better trained and supported police only social services child protection workers.
9/ Give reporting victims of paedophile crimes capped ‘Legally Aided’ solicitors to protect victims legal and human rights throughout and after the judicial process.
10/ Set up a victim’s Emotional Health & Welfare department at the Ministry of Justice to properly support the victims short and long-term needs.
11/ Give the Victim’s Commissioner some actual power to help actual victims.
12/ No more auto-forcing those victimised by paedophile crimes into mental health services. Most of those victimsed by paedophile crimes are, as a direct consequence of the crimes, also forced to manage varying degrees of life-long Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD.
PTSD can kill …but PTSD is first and foremost a treatable medical condition that can very quickly turn into a serious mental health condition if not properly treated and managed with drugs and drug-free treatments and proper GP/NHS patient support.
13/ Get the NHS to properly fund and deliver better and more varied treatment and care for all those suffering with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (not just ex-military combatants) and make it available to the patients through their GP’s.
14/ Anti-Victim Prejudice could not be more self-evident than when it comes to victim compensation …which barely reflects normal current inflation, let alone actual victim needs in the real world.
In the real world they live in today, worst case scenario, victims/survivors will need approx £100,000 a year for the treatment/care they will need for the rest of their lives. Try measuring those maths to any actual recent victim compensation cases (google it) and you will see for yourselves the chasm between the judicial systems blind Anti-Victim Prejudice and the sad reality for most victims of paedophile crimes in 2015. Time to get real and give victims what they need and deserve to not just cope but to recover a good life worth living, survive and thrive.
15/ Finally, paedophilia is a form of sexual terrorism that needs its own ‘Anti-Terror Unit’ to counter their social terrorising and their Anti-Victim Prejudice propaganda.
PLEASE Sign The Phoenix AVP Pledge HERE

Tuesday 30 December 2014

Child Sexual Abuse Inquiry Listening Events #CSAInquiry

The Independent Panel Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse has been set up to consider whether, and the extent to which, public bodies and other non-state institutions have taken seriously their duty of care to protect children from sexual abuse in England and Wales.
More information can be found HERE
As part of a series of listening meetings, the Independent Panel Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse visited Manchester on Friday (December 12).
Members of the Panel and supporting staff met privately with a number of victims and survivors of child sexual abuse to listen to their views on the Inquiry.
The purpose of the meetings was:
  • To provide information about the Panel, the Inquiry terms of reference and feedback received so far
  • To seek views on how those attending, particularly victims, survivors and representative groups, would like the Panel to engage with them
  • To ask those attending what they would like the Panel to include in their considerations
The findings will be collated as part of the Inquiry’s listening and engagement programme and fed back to the full panel. A report from the first four meetings will be placed on our website.
The Panel has agreed that the experiences of victims and survivors of child sexual abuse must be placed at the heart of the Inquiry.
Determined to give a voice to the concerns and priorities of victims and survivors during its extensive work, the Panel is considering the most effective way of enabling them to engage with the Inquiry.
The Panel is also considering how personal support can be offered to victims and survivors of child sexual abuse when they interact with the Inquiry.
At the Manchester meeting – and all the meetings that have been arranged for the New Year – support for those attending was available with a separate quiet room set aside.
The next meetings to be held are set out below. Those interested in attending should contact us through the website. Travel expenses will be paid.
 1Friday 16th JanuaryBirmingham
 2Friday 23rd JanuaryYork
 3Friday 30th JanuaryNewcastle
 4Friday 6th   FebruaryCarlisle
 5Friday 13th    FebruaryRhyl (to be confirmed)
 6Friday 20 FebruaryPortsmouth
 7Friday 27 FebruaryPlymouth
 8Friday 6th MarchCardiff (to be confirmed)

Monday 29 December 2014

Anti-Victim Prejudice #AVP via @ShyKeenan

Anti-Victim Prejudice or #AVP. By Shy Keenan – first published in 2006 …updated in 2014.
 “As a victim and a victims advocate, I start most conversations with most people…with them ‘hoping’ I am lying …we are the only victims of crime who walk into the police station and have to start by first proving we’re not liars”. Shy Keenan
What is Anti-Victim Prejudice?
Anti- Victim Prejudice or AVP is when somebody/anybody uses the fact that you are the victim of a paedophile crime to unjustly discriminate against your legal and human rights …or to prejudicially socially disadvantage you in any way. For example; by abusing the victims’ legal/human rights by punishing them for someone else’s crime and/or being punished without a fair trial.
Please note: About paedophiles. In our opinion there is no mystery…no ‘hoped for’ complicated answers with a clever scientific cure, they are not physically, genetically or mentally challenged or disabled. Paedophiles do what they do, because they want to and because they can. You can never do anything about what people want to do, but you can do a great deal about what they can do. We chose to lawfully and peacefully get in their way.
For clarity: We advocate for those victimised by paedophile crimes. When we say ‘those victimised by paedophile crimes’ we mean all of those victimised …from the children to their families, their communities and their societies. When we say ‘paedophile’ we mean male and female paedophiles …and when we say ‘paedophile crimes’ we mean all of the crimes that paedophiles commit from grooming/child rape to abduction and/or murder.
Anti-Victim Prejudice has been around for as long as ‘paedophiles/their facilitators/supporters’ have been around …forever. There has, in our view, over the years, been a very focused and successful social grooming campaign undertaken by the Paedophile Information Exchange which has undermined all of child protection and indeed those victimised by paedophiles.
Basic AVP history – In the 1970′s a group of wealthy powerful paedophiles and their supporters (further supported by their US and Dutch counterparts) set up an organisation called the Paedophile Information Exchange or PIE.
PIE’s main aims were/are (amongst other things) to decriminalise paedophile crimes and make them either a socially acceptable sexual minority …or failing that, to have themselves lawfully declared a legitimate ‘disabled group’  who are being unlawfully specially hated and socially excluded. Sadly for the paedophile victims, paedophile advocates win many of these legally aided ‘legal arguments’ with the Government and frequently quote the online violent vigilante posts and websites as proof and evidence that they need this special taxpayer funded protection/treatment/secrecy.
To set up a legitimate political party to institutionally embed their pro-paedophile (and their victim silencing Anti-Victim Prejudice) policies and social protections into the very fabric of our social systems. They were never able to establish a political party in this country (although they have made better ground on this abroad) so instead, back in the 1970′s they groomed and unlawfully embedded themselves through the likes of Islington Council (and others) and were allowed to illegally groom and manipulate judicial and social policy.
You don’t have to be a card carrying PIE club member …to secretly support like minded people. Through this unlawful unelected influence, using pro-paedophile propaganda, they were allowed to systemically and institutionally embed their Anti-Victim Prejudice virtually unchallenged throughout the entire UK social and judicial systems.
PIE were not entirely unchallenged, there was me and few others willing to stand up to them, they were exposed and caught out and then fake disbanded …and simply carried on their work behind the closed corridors of power and position. However, through this unelected abuse of power and public propaganda, PIE was able to perpetrate many lies about themselves, their crimes and more importantly …their child victims into a now fully AVP groomed  establishment.
For more on #PIE ..Google it, but be careful what links you click on…mostly trusted news sources only … just to be safe. FYI Telegraph –       Ex-Home Office worker says taxpayer’s money was given to paedophile group Video: Westminster whistleblower told to ‘back off’ over paedophiles FYI Independent     Theresa May announces details of independent inquiry into paedophile network claims
Now whether you agree that AVP became much worse because of PIE paedophiles or not, the fact remains that institutionalised systemic Anti-Victim Prejudice is one of the core reasons why child protection does not and cannot properly protect children in the year 2014. A groomed society has AVP evolved a child protection system that cannot legally put the child first …let alone legally protect them.
Over the years AVP has been embedded into our social systems by the blind, the groomed and just plain bloody ignorant and turned into the victim prejudicing/blaming monster we are all faced with today.
FYI: Victims of child sexual abuse are the only victims of a serious crime, who are referred to children charities BEFORE talking direct to the child protection police.
“AVP is the reason why very small children are not believed or protected and the reason why most adult victims of child sexual abuse don’t tell.” Shy Keenan
As a direct result of this unchallenged systemic institutionalised #AVP victims are now (in 2014) faced with an entire social and judicial systems that unlawfully abuses and prejudicially discriminates against the child/adult victims …and actually works to better protect the paedophiles. #OperationCare #Oxford #Rochadale #Savile #Rotherham
AVP is the reason why children under the legal age of consent are forced to argue ‘consent to sex’ under the legal age of consent… in a court of law.
AVP is the reason why the only person/people in a court case without legally aided solicitors are the child/adult victims of child sexual abuse.
AVP is the reason why blood related cousins are not protected by UK Incest laws.
AVP is the reason why the British public can’t accept, let alone acknowledge, that there are and always were as many male victims as there are female victims of child sexual abuse.
AVP is the reason why disabled children cannot get equal protection or justice within a court of law.
AVP is the reason why the public can’t accept female paedophiles, let alone describe their sex crimes against children ‘as sex crimes against children’ instead claiming they are ‘lesbian affairs’ with pupils/young people and the like, but will not describe the victims under the legal age of consent …as sexually abused children.
AVP is the reason why the police can give a self-confessed baby rapist with a brave disclosing child victim and supportive family …a police caution.
HARDCORE IGNORED – PIE social grooming won’t even let any of us talk about actual victims of actual paedophile crimes by actual paedophiles …you can see this grooming for yourselves within the ordinary and social media. You can almost count the seconds into the conversation before ….
Everytime we talk about actual victims… they will go on about those who lie about being victims …everytime we talk about actual paedophiles… they bang on about those who may be falsely accused …everytime we talk about actual victim support or compensation… they act like we just poo’d on the floor. They never let us just talk about what it’s like to be us living in a world that hates, fears and excludes us more than hates fears and excludes those who abused us?
I/we believe that paedophilia is a form of sexual terrorism…an acknowledged weapon of war that needs its own equal force Government Anti-Terror Unit trained in Anti-Terror paedophile propaganda.
AVP is the core reason why society cannot secure the proper child protection it needs, it’s why victims can’t get the justice, treatment or recovery services they need and deserve… and is why paedophiles can often get away with murder, both actually and metaphorically.
It is important to note: Most child victims of child sexual abuse grow up to be taxpaying, voting, law abiding adult victims of child sexual abuse and our society has no right to exclude us just because we are the victims of someone else’s crime.
Almost without exception, all hands on offending paedophiles have upwards of six child victims per offender. Because of the social grooming, the systemic AVP and the actual victim grooming, victims can take years…even decades to tell ….paedophiles know this, which is why they are fighting so hard to get a shorter time limit imposed by law on victim reporting.
The very fact that there is any legal time limit on child sexual abuse victim reporting, shows how little the child protectors and the justice system even understand paedophile grooming and further makes a complete mockery of the idea that just because the OTHER victims have not yet disclosed on the same offender… the offender is now somehow safe to be alone with children.
There are many kinds of systemic AVP; legal, judicial, medical, police, child protection, media, social and so on … the problems victims face are that the whole of the social system and its connected services are institutionally prejudice and systemically discriminate towards those victimised by paedophile crimes, which only ever acts to re-abuse, re-traumatise, silence, isolate and unlawfully socially exclude some of our most vulnerable human beings. Below are some examples of the victim silencing harm done by the PIE groomed myths and AVP propaganda.
“The only way to stop it, is to find a way to tell and the very best revenge is to survive and survive well.” Shy Keenan
AVP myth examples – All victims of paedophile crimes turn into paedophiles. Just not true, furthermore the vast majority of paedophiles ‘openly admit’ to lying about being victims to undermine their actual victims but also for sympathy and or mitigation.
This particular AVP lie has caused social services to unjustly remove thousands of unharmed children from innocent victims of paedophiles, who went on to become parents and had their children unlawfully removed …just in case. Victims of this abuse often find the AVP phrase ‘not destined to be a parent’ or similar, embedded in their childhood files, not only prejudicially abusing the child victim’s legal and human rights to a family, but also the legal and human rights to a family of the innocent unharmed children born to victims.
PIE AVP Myth; All victims are mad, bad or sad substance addicted compensation/attention seeking potential criminals – beyond all help. The last time it was counted by Barnardos… it was found that 87% of all victims (that did tell) never go on to commit any kind of crime.
Victims of child sexual abuse are the only victims of crime who are openly ridiculed and publically lambasted for needing compensation…which is reflected in the actual compensation victims get …which hardly touches the sides of the lifelong (expensive) problems they face, let alone keeps up with ordinary inflation.
PIE Myth; Child abuse images act as a kind of methadone for paedophiles, they claim it helps them not to hands on reoffend, when yet again, the direct opposite is true. Child abuse images act as a gateway trigger to hands on child sexual abuse and exploitation.
PIE groomed AVP speak … PIE rebranded a lot of good peoples ‘ordinary speak’ to perpetrate their AVP propaganda.
PIE Paedophiles rebranded child abuse images as ‘child porn’ and prostituted children as child prostitutes/Lolita’s and Rentboys …to imply some kind of inferred legitimate commerciality that simply does not exist, to give the false impression of intent and consent by a child unable by law to ever give it, to undermine child protection/justice and to make the children’s crime scene photographs easier to sell.
PIE Paedophiles rebranded serious ‘unsolved sex crimes’ against children ad ‘historical’ to give the child protectors and the public a false sense of distance and safety, when the direct opposite is true. If they have never been challenged or stopped …they did not stop.
PIE Paedophiles rebranded any legitimate investigation into their crimes as ‘witch-hunts’.
PIE Paedophiles rebranded any legitimate legal searches for victims/witnesses to a reported crime as ‘trawling and/or fishing’, they don’t use this kind of prejudice phrasing for any other kind of crime investigations.
PIE Paedophiles/*Hebophiles rebranded their sex crimes against male children as homosexual crimes, when nothing could be further from the truth. Homosexuals love same sex consenting adults and have been deeply and unjustly abused and socially discriminated against by religious bigots and others for decades, child rapists have used this unjust prejudice to silence victims and hide their crimes against children.
*Hebophiles are mostly heterosexual males often married with children who have a predilection for pre-pubescent male children only.
The moment victims tell, they are forced to engage in an even more AVP prejudice psychiatry field or as we call it …The Fist Of Help…where they are wrongly branded/diagnosed as mentally ill ….rather than emotionally harmed child victims of a crime… and the only treatment available to them is legal addiction to drugs and even more social prejudice. Can’t imagine WHY they don’t want to tell.
The paedophiles have groomed the child protectors and it’s systems into calling the child victims things like attention seeking, maladjusted, promiscuous, delinquents …instead of groomed abused and exploited child victims of adult sex crimes trying desperately to be heard. Can’t imagine WHY victims don’t want to be called that.
It is wrong to blame the children for the crimes of paedophiles, nobody would agree it was fair to punish the innocent for the crimes of others, but not when it comes to paedophiles crimes….and most people do it and don’t even know why they do it. As a ultimate result of all this PIE prejudice towards those victimised by paedophile crimes …is that the child victims are blamed and punished, starved of proper protection, justice or recovery services…. the nation’s ‘feared and socially excluded’ … it is in these socially blind hardcore ignored arenas …that the Savile’s of this world DID thrive without challenge.
#CSAInquiry into alleged historical sex crimes allegedly committed against young people, child prostitutes and rentboys by alleged paedophiles …by the time the so-called child protectors finished describing us …I knew why nobody ever believes us …why not#CSAInquiry into reported unsolved sex crimes against groomed and vulnerable children by paedophiles?
AVP “I was never a child prostitute, I was a prostituted child and until they understand this, they’ll never turn this paedophile tide. Shy Keenan
What we think basically needs to happen to turn this paedophile tide.
1/ We want everyone’s religion OUT of child protection and the justice system …nothing and nobody is above the law.
2/ We want child protection charities off of the frontline in ‘victim reporting’ sex crimes …and instead have them all report direct to the police first. 
3/ One central national child protection police service with Anti-Terror unit and much much more funding to the child protection police.
4/ We want capped legally aided solicitors to protect the child/adult victims of child sexual abuse ‘legal and human rights’ upon disclosure to the police.
5/ We want mandatory reporting of child sexual abuse.  
6/ We want speedy and ‘prejudice free’ justice, protection, victim compensation, PTSD treatment and recovery services.
7/ We want ‘victim’s rights’ enshrined in law, a victims law that starts with outlawing Anti-Victim Prejudice.
8/ NO time limits on disclosing child sexual abuse.
9/ By law, no child protection service can put the child before the insurance company policies/lawyers. When child protection only protects the child protectors from the children they failed to protect …you have done something AVP wrong…undo and start again.
10/ We want the systemic institutionalised Anti-Victim Prejudice outlawed … outlaw the AVP speak …we must vote it out of our social and judicial systems so that children can really be put first in child protection.
#AVP The top 5 most offensive, victim prejudice and offender supportive AVP phrases/AVP speak are …child porn, child prostitute, rentboy, historical sex crimes and alleged victim…you can sign the Phoenix AVP pledge by clicking here.
We hope to change AVP hearts and minds, we are working to get all child protectors to commit not to use these AVP words around those victimised by paedophile crimes again, to peacefully and politely challenge those who do, we need every parent …every ex-child and every victim who can … to speak to/write to their MP’s about Anti-Victim Prejudice ask them to acknowledge AVP …and help the victims to outlaw it.
To find out more about us and our work together standing up to Anti-Victim Prejudice and some further sad examples – please read our BESTSELLING book ‘Where Angels Fear’.
AVP “The only way that bad people prevail…is when good men and women do nothing.” Shy Keenan

For more information on The Phoenix Post please click HERE

Sunday 21 December 2014

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is also known as multiple personality disorder (MPD). This
condition is characterised by the co-existence of two or more distinct personalities within the same
person, sometimes appearing as a survival response to terrible childhood traumas. Typically, the
different personalities are unaware of the others, to varying degrees. This explains the periods of
amnesia the patient experiences when another one of their personalities or ‘alters’ takes control of
their mind.

A person with DID can have many alters. Many of the personalities are complete enough in their
own right to function in the world and even form relationships with other people. Women are more
prone to this condition than men. DID is a controversial issue, since some researchers dispute that
it even exists.

The symptoms of DID include:
• Memory lapses, frequent bouts of amnesia or ‘lost time’.
• Unexplained events, such as new clothes the patient has no recollection of buying.
• Two or more distinct personalities, usually with their own names, personalities and
• Physical disorders including headaches, abdominal pain, a sensation of choking, and pain in
the vagina or anus.
• Other problems such as sleep difficulties, mood swings, depression, suicidal tendencies and
• Flashbacks to traumatic events.

The alters can cause problems

A person with DID may have alters with very different personalities and interests. If a person’s
alters behave in ways they find distressing or immoral, it can impact negatively on the person’s self
-esteem, quality of life and relationships with other people.

Extreme trauma during childhood seems to be the trigger

Some researchers have suggested that DID is a form of post traumatic stress disorder. DID is
thought to be caused by unbearable childhood trauma such as severe sexual, emotional or physical
abuse or neglect over a long period of time. The child is thought to cope with these episodes by
dissociating themselves from what is going on.

Over time, the part of their consciousness that is ‘left behind’ to deal with the abusive episodes
becomes stronger and more defined, until it splits from the main personality altogether. The
patient may have trouble recollecting anything from their childhood at all, or have ‘blank’ stretches
they can’t remember. Typically, the patient doesn’t recall the periods of trauma because these
memories are contained within one or more of their ‘alters’. It is thought by some researchers that
DID is actually a creative way of enduring and psychologically surviving horrendous experiences.

Some researchers say DID does not exist

On the other hand, some researchers say that DID isn’t a genuine condition, but a set of symptoms
created by the psychotherapist. The emotionally disturbed patient is coaxed into believing they
have multiple personalities, and continues to play the part.

The therapeutic practice of placing affected patients with others who have been similarly diagnosed
only reinforces the suggestion. Many DID patients share common alter types - at least one alter of
the opposite sex, an animal alter, and so on. This has lead some researchers to assert that
therapists are shaping the condition by the power of suggestion; if you tell a disturbed patient they
could have a pig personality inside them, they may believe you. The researchers who doubt DID’s
credibility are concerned that the patient’s real problems and psychiatric conditions are being
ignored at the expense of the more interesting - though false - symptoms of DID.


DID is diagnosed using a variety of health professionals including:
• Psychologists
• Psychiatrists.

Treatment options

Treatment relies on a combination of psychotherapy and medication. The aim of psychotherapy is
to merge the alters back into the patient’s personality. This can take many years and relapses are
common, particularly during times of stress. Once the patient has reclaimed their memories of
abuse, any trigger that reminds them of that trauma can bring on a dissociative episode.

Treatment options include:

• Patient education about DID
• Thorough interviews with all the personalities
• Hypnosis sessions
• Coping strategies to deal with the symptoms
• Antidepressant medications.

DID treatment may prolong the condition

Some researchers believe that giving the alters so much attention simply fuels the suggestion and
prolongs the condition. Another approach to treatment is to starve the alters of attention.

Suggestions include:

• Scatter DID patients throughout general psychiatric wards.
• Don’t search for alters.
• Stop interviewing and cataloguing existing alters.
• Don’t talk to any alters if they appear during therapy.
• Concentrate on finding out what problems the patient is experiencing in their life that could
account for their emotional and psychological disturbances.

Where to get help

• Your doctor (for a referral to a specialist service)
• Psychologist
• Psychiatrist

Things to remember

• Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is also known as multiple personality disorder (MPD).
• This condition is characterised by the co-existence of two or more distinct personalities
within the same person, possibly developed as a survival response to terrible childhood
• DID is a controversial issue, since some researchers dispute that it even exists.

Saturday 13 December 2014

Don't Have A Blue Christmas

Christmas is coming...... I have always loved Christmas, the build up, the sharing, time with friends and family. Almost every year as an adult I end up depressed....

It has improved over the last few years. Acknowledging the fact it exists, and then sharing that knowledge is so important. I know now the reasons why I struggle over Christmas.. A need to please, wanting everything to go well, I plan and prepare and plot too much. The grandfather was born on Christmas Day... That used to really bug me. Gifts I received for Christmas used to vanish soon afterwards and I'd get the blame. In truth he sold them to pay for his Whisky habit...

I almost got into that "habit" myself as an adult. Drink was such an easy escape, then mornings came and feelings of guilt, shame and the hangover. I hid this for years. It was always worse at Christmas. Now I enjoy an occasional drink, but stick to the milder varieties and rarely get drunk.

I spent a couple of Christmases totally alone, not seeing anyone. I hated it and now if I hear of anyone spending the day alone I invite them over. Christmas is no time to be alone.

‘Tis the season to be jolly..... Apparently December is not only the month where depression is most likely to hit you but it also has the highest rate of suicides. It’s the month where family and friends should be getting together, where you plan your Christmas and decorate the home etc.

Many things can trigger deeper depression in December...

Loneliness, bereavement and grieving, failed business or loss of a job. The breakup of a relationship. Ill health generally.  All likely to set you on the road to depression at any time, but worse at this time of year.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D) adds to the equation. I love Christmas but hate the short days and cold wet weather..

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

Coping with depression is bad enough, but trying to do so when everyone else is extra happy makes it harder to reach out, to ask for help. We don't want to stand out from the crowd so instead we cut ourselves off. Not wanting to drag others down into our depression we stand alone, and watch from the sidelines.
Instances of depression are higher in those who have suffered trauma in their earlier lives. At a time of year where people are getting together to celebrate, those with depression are most likely to feel more isolated. Unable to join in, to embrace the season of good will, they sink further and further into a pit of gloom.
Alone in crowd. I have often felt most lonely when there are people hustling and bustling around me, laughing and joking. Not wanting to spoil their festive fun I would either paint a false smile on my face or just vanish into the shadows. Christmas can be a very stressful time for anyone. For those prone to depression it can be a nightmare.

Though there has been more publicity over the issue of Christmas depression in recent years, it is still not understood. The most important thing you can do is tell someone how you feel. Reach out before the season starts and share. Communication is much easier now. Social media and the internet generally helps bring people together. Telephone someone, talk to someone. See your Doctor or Priest, just don't sit at home alone. There is no shame in admitting that you get depressed and you may be suprised to find others feeling the same way. All to often those who find themselves getting depressed do nothing about it.
Depression can deeply affect your life. It can sneak up and disrupt your work, your home life, your health generally and can lead you to neglect those around you that need you well. Grab a hold of the problem and do something about it.The most important thing is to reach out, ask for help, talk to someone.

Don't let depression destroy your Christmas or that of those around you. The power to do something about it is in your hands. Do you want to become another statistic? Please remember there is no shame in asking for help. This is the season of goodwill to all men and if Scrooge can do it then so can you. 

If you are prone to Christmas depression then reach out, tell someone. Seek help if needs be.
If you know someone who appears to be slipping into a depression or who always gets the winter blues reach out to them. It won't kill you and you might just save a life.

Be nice to yourself, be kind to yourself. The greatest gift is that of love so remember to love yourself too.

Wednesday 10 December 2014

From Victim to Survivor to Thriver

Victim Survivor Thriver
Doesn’t deserve nice things or trying for the “good life.” Struggling for reasons & chance to heal Gratitude for everything in life.
Low self esteem/shame/unworthy Sees self as wounded & healing Sees self as an overflowing miracle
Hyper vigilant Using tools to learn to relax Gratitude for new life
Alone Seeking help Oneness
Feels Selfish Deserves to seek help Proud of Healthy Self caring
Damaged Naming what happened Was wounded & now healing
Confusion & numbness Learning to grieve, grieving past ungrieved trauma Grieving at current losses
Overwhelmed by past Naming & grieving what happened Living in the present
Hopeless Hopeful Faith in self & life
Uses outer world to hide from self Stays with emotional pain Understands that emotional pain will pass & brings new insights
Hides their story Not afraid to tell their story to safe people. Beyond telling their story, but always aware they have created their own healing with HP
Believes everyone else is better, stronger, less damaged Comes out of hiding to hear others & have compassion for them & eventually self Lives with an open heart for self & others
Often wounded by unsafe others Learning how to protect self by share, check, share Protects self from unsafe others
Places own needs last Learning healthy needs (See Healing the Child Within & Gift to Myself) Places self first realizing that is the only way to function & eventually help others
Creates one drama after another See patterns Creates peace
Believes suffering is the human condition Feeling some relief, knows they need to continue in recovery Finds joy in peace
Serious all the time Beginning to laugh Seeing the humor in life
Uses inappropriate humor, including teasing Feels associated painful feelings instead Uses healthy humor
Uncomfortable, numb or angry around toxic people Increasing awareness of pain & dynamics Healthy boundaries around toxic people, incl. relatives
Lives in the past Aware of patterns Lives in the Now
Angry at religion Understanding the difference between religion & personal spirituality Enjoys personal relationship with the God of their understanding
Suspicious of therapists– projects Sees therapist as guide during projections Sees reality as their projection & owns it.
Needs people & chemicals to believe they are all right Glimpses of self-acceptance & fun without others Feels authentic & connected, Whole
“Depression” Movement of feelings Aliveness
©Barbara Whitfield 2003

Saturday 6 December 2014

6 truths about forgiving sexual abuse

6 truths about forgiving sexual abuse

People who are sexually abused are very often, however subtly or overtly, pressured to forgive their assailants. (A subject which, as you might know, has lately come up here.) If you are in any way burdened by the notion that you are not, as comprehensively as you or others feel that you’re obliged to, forgiving the person who sexually abused you, please consider these six truths about forgiveness (which, being universal, hold as true for the Christian as they do anyone else).

Thursday 4 December 2014

Male Survivors - Myths and their consequences #MaleAbuseAwarenessWeek #childabuse

Male Survivors - Myths and their consequences

There are various stereotypes and myths that surround the adult male survivors' ability to face the sexual abuse or rape. These include:-

•Males don't feel emotions as readily as women so are less likely to be hurt by the abuse.
•Males are supposed to be big and strong therefore able to deal with and fight off abuse.
•Males cannot be raped by women.
•Males enjoy all sex, so they must have enjoyed the abuse or rape.
•Males should not cry or express their pain.
•Male victims are more likely to become abusers or rapists.

These common misconceptions and myths frequently lead to the following:-

•Loss of self-asteem and self worth.
•Doubts over their masculinity
•Self-blame and guilt
•Feelings of shame, disgust, anger, loss, 
•Feelings of powerlessness, apprehension, withdrawal, and embarrassment
•Fears that they won't be able to protect and support their families 
•Sexual difficulties and insecurities
•Self harming (drinking, drug use, aggression, attempted suicide)
•Intimacy issues
•Questioning of sexual identity
•Fear of losing friends or family 
•Fear that they will be judged, not helped.

Myth #1 - Boys and men can't be victims.

This myth, instilled through masculine gender socialization and sometimes referred to as the "macho image," declares that males, even young boys, are not supposed to be victims or even vulnerable. We learn very early that males should be able to protect themselves. In truth, boys are children - weaker and more vulnerable than their perpetrators - who cannot really fight back. Why? The perpetrator has greater size, strength, and knowledge. This power is exercised from a position of authority, using resources such as money or other bribes, or outright threats - whatever advantage can be taken to use a child for sexual purposes.

Myth #2 - Most sexual abuse of boys is perpetrated by homosexual males.

Pedophiles who molest boys are not expressing a homosexual orientation any more than pedophiles who molest girls are practicing heterosexual behaviors. While many child molesters have gender and/or age preferences, of those who seek out boys, the vast majority are not homosexual. They are pedophiles.

Myth #3 - If a boy experiences sexual arousal or orgasm from abuse, this means he was a willing participant or enjoyed it

In reality, males can respond physically to stimulation (get an erection) even in traumatic or painful sexual situations. Therapists who work with sexual offenders know that one way a perpetrator can maintain secrecy is to label the child's sexual response as an indication of his willingness to participate. "You liked it, you wanted it," they'll say. Many survivors feel guilt and shame because they experienced physical arousal while being abused. Physical (and visual or auditory) stimulation is likely to happen in a sexual situation. It does not mean that the child wanted the experience or understood what it meant at the time.

Myth #4 - Boys are less traumatized by the abuse experience than girls.

While some studies have found males to be less negatively affected, more studies show that long term effects are quite damaging for either sex. Males may be more damaged by society's refusal or reluctance to accept their victimization, and by their resultant belief that they must "tough it out" in silence.

Myth #5 - Boys abused by males are or will become homosexual.

While there are different theories about how the sexual orientation develops, experts in the human sexuality field do not believe that premature sexual experiences play a significant role in late adolescent or adult sexual orientation. It is unlikely that someone can make another person a homosexual or heterosexual. Sexual orientation is a complex issue and there is no single answer or theory that explains why someone identifies himself as homosexual, heterosexual or bi-sexual. Whether perpetrated by older males or females, boys' or girls' premature sexual experiences are damaging in many ways, including confusion about one's sexual identity and orientation.Many boys who have been abused by males erroneously believe that something about them sexually attracts males, and that this may mean they are homosexual or effeminate. Again, not true. Pedophiles who are attracted to boys will admit that the lack of body hair and adult sexual features turns them on. The pedophile's inability to develop and maintain a healthy adult sexual relationship is the problem - not the physical features of a sexually immature boy.

Myth #6 - The "Vampire Syndrome" that is, boys who are sexually abused, like the victims of Count Dracula, go on to "bite" or sexually abuse others.

This myth is especially dangerous because it can create a terrible stigma for the child, that he is destined to become an offender. Boys might be treated as potential perpetrators rather than victims who need help. While it is true that most perpetrators have histories of sexual abuse, it is NOT true that most victims go on to become perpetrators. Research by Jane Gilgun, Judith Becker and John Hunter found a primary difference between perpetrators who were sexually abused and sexually abused males who never perpetrated: non-perpetrators told about the abuse, and were believed and supported by significant people in their lives. Again, the majority of victims do not go on to become adolescent or adult perpetrators; and those who do perpetrate in adolescence usually don't perpetrate as adults if they get help when they are young.

Myth #7 - If the perpetrator is female, the boy or adolescent should consider himself fortunate to have been initiated into heterosexual activity.

In reality, premature or coerced sex, whether by a mother, aunt, older sister, baby-sitter or other female in a position of power over a boy, causes confusion at best, and rage,depression or other problems in more negative circumstances. To be used as a sexual object by a more powerful person, male or female, is always abusive and often damaging supposed to be the strong ones, it often means that they do not accept, cover up or "forget" what happened to them. If they do recall they are more likely NOT to seek help and therapy. Men are supposed to be able to cope with anything. 

Wednesday 3 December 2014

Male Survivors - Changing Societies Attitudes #ChildAbuse #CSA #CSE #MENHURTTOO #MALEVICTIMSTOO

Male Survivors - Changing Societies Attitudes 

A common misconception held by many people is that men cannot be "victims" of sexual abuse. It is often believed that if an adult or teenage male is sexually assaulted he must have consented to the act. It then follows that if the male consented he must be gay or bi-sexual. Add to this the again mistaken belief that males cannot become erect or ejaculate without consent or enjoyment and you have a powerful and pervasive belief system in place which forces most male survivors of sexual assault to remain silent. Many beleive that if a man is abused or raped it makes the victim homosexual. What absolute rubbish!

Sexuality is complex. It is not a choice. It is not forced upon you.

I do believe that sexual abuse and rape might cause confusion in the victim, BUT, only because of the way society views different stereotypes. Society and bad education has a great deal to answer for. "Real" men cannot be abused or raped... Again a misleading, confusing and totally incorrect statement. Firstly define a "real" man? It is what society deems it to be. Unless we change our attitudes, educate ourselves to the truth, millions of men will remain silent.

I don't give a monkeys if you are straight, gay or bi-sexual. You are human. If you are a victim of childhood or adult sexual abuse/assault you should not be judged or labelled because of it.

Being a VICTIM does not define what or who you are, sexually or otherwise.

Growing up I had massive confusion over who or what I was. I was taught that boys don't cry, that they must be strong and silent. Boys don't play with girls, they must play with other boys. Sports and fishing and cars (stereotypical boy/man hood activities) were supposed to be my interests.. I enjoyed some sports yes, but health problems prevented me from doing many. I enjoyed the company of any friend.. I didn't have many, I didn't mix well. Recently I remembered the Grandfather encouraging me to play "Doctor/Patient" with other boys. He always made me be the patient. I spent much of my childhood alone. I was robbed of a "normal" upbringing and have few happy memories. I was a loner whenever possible. It hurt less that way.

I grew up frightened, confused and alone.

The way that we have been created leads to stereotypical expectations. The female is "supposed" to be the home maker, the "weaker" sex (I don't agree) and the man the hunter gatherer. The male is not supposed to cry or get emotional. Showing one's feelings, showing that we might be scared is a huge no no.

Society has created a belief system that is damaging and prevents so many from being able to stand up and ask for help.

These myths and stereotypes silence victims. So many men have commited suicide because they cannot face what happened to them and feel unable to ask for help. So many men live unhappy, unfulfilled lives because they don't want the finger pointed at them.

Isn't it time that these stereotypes and myths were put where they belong? In the rubbish/trash and destroyed forever.

Until society changes it's attitudes generally then millions will go on suffering in silence.

I often say on this blog "Come on guys! Stand up and be counted! There's no shame in being the victim!" This is totally true. What is just as important that we work to change the attitudes of those around us.

Our Governments need to wake up to the truth about sexual abuse. Money needs to be spent educating the masses. "We" have to educate the masses.

At the moment the paedophiles and rapists are the winners. The curtain of silence is keeping them safe. The fear of societies expectations is keeping the victims silent.

It's time to rip down that curtain and to turn the tables on the evil scum that continue abusing, feeling safe because society has made them feel safe. Knowledge is power. We have the knowledge so it's time we took the power away from the paedophiles and rapists.

Punishment must be made much much harsher. A real "deterent" not a slap on the wrist or a short prison stay. The abusers took our lives and ruined them. Life should mean life. Let them rot in prisons.

We can make a difference. Together, united in our common aim. We have to.

Tuesday 2 December 2014

Male Abuse Awareness Week - Press Release #childabuse #MaleAbuseAwarenessWeek

Male Abuse Awareness Week Dec.1-8, 2014 Presents a Brand New Web Site and Information Booth at SFSU on 12/8

This December the P. Luna Foundation will host its Seventh Annual Male Abuse Awareness Week or MAAW.  This program’s main focus is to change the negative social stigma that goes along with the topic of males who are or were victims of sexual or emotional abuse and domestic violence.

San Francisco CA, November 25, 2014

Over the year the nonprofit has closed two of their old sites and condensed them into a brand new (or web site with a fresh design and streamlined functions that make it much easier for abused males to find the information, resources and help they need.

As for the annual campaign’s activity, the P. Luna Foundation is taking their message to campus!
San Francisco State University, Cesar Chavez Student Center
1650 Holloway Ave., San Francisco, CA 94132.

Monday, December 8 from 11:30am to 5:00pm

The charity will have a booth at the University that day passing out cause buttons, posters and information about their message. They also invite students to get in on the conversation by leaving video comments that the charity can use for their 2015 Annual Awareness Video.

The abuse and neglect of children is a terrible tragedy, and the effects on the lives of children, the adults they become and their families, friends and coworkers can be profound.  Males abused as children suffer some unique harms and face special challenges to healing.  Because boys and young men are told by society that they must be strong and brave, they often feel guilty and ashamed about having been abused, dominated and vulnerable.  Male victims are much less likely to tell anyone what happened to them, let alone to seek professional help with healing.  Some get lost in self-destructive behaviors, seeking refuge in alcohol and drug addictions, sexual addictions and even suicide.  Although a minority, some pass on the pain by becoming abusers of their partners or children, perpetuating the cycle of abuse.  This is why the campaign to break male victims’ silence is so important.

According to Executive Director Barbara Ochoa, “Since we started this campaign in 2008 we have found that giving abused males a voice is significantly changing society’s opinion about the topic.  We see every day how more and more men are openly talking about their abuse as well as seeking help.  I just read today how guitar icon Carlos Santana is in the San Francisco Bay area doing appearances to promote his new biography book about his life including his childhood poverty and sexual abuse.  That is a huge win for all abused males!”

The P. Luna Foundation (PLF) is a registered 501c3 nonprofit organization founded in 2007.  In addition to the Male Abuse Awareness Week Campaign, we host the premiere portal/online directory of the world’s top services and resources for abused males.   The PLF also has a vibrant volunteer staff who supplements their therapy and healing by working for their cause.  For more information contact Barbara at 818.634.8551(direct) or  P. Luna Foundation is located in Southern California at 5334 Lindley Ave. Suite #136, Encino CA 91319 and in Northern California at P.O. Box 523, San Bruno CA 94066 (for all mail).  P. Luna Foundation’s organization web site where people can donate is at 


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