Friday, 19 June 2020

I Will Not Go Gentle.. #childabuse #csa #cse #recovery #

Recently I was told that I put myself "out there" too much, that I obviously wasn't over the effects of the years of abuse. Apparently I was weakening my position by sharing so much of myself and devoting so much of my time to raising awareness and fighting for those who are unable to speak out.

My response was to laugh at the ignorance of the person who said this to me. 

If men and women who have found their chains broken and have the strength to speak up, do not do so, then who will! 

I am proud to call myself a survivor. I have become far more than that in the last few years though. I am a thriver. I have cast aside the shackles and the gags and I speak out. I tell it as it is. I do not do this to bring glory upon myself, far from it. I do it to spread knowledge and in so doing I hope to create a better understanding of not only how childhood sexual abuse effects the victim, but also what signs to look out for and how to help the victims "heal".

Ignorance and silence are the friends of the abusers along with fear and shame. 

My voice is only a small one. I can only ever hope to reach a very tiny percentage of the population. If I can help one person to recover, if I can stop one more child being used, I will. 

Knowledge is power. We all need to learn the signs of abuse, and its effects on the innocent. 

Will I stop spreading this knowledge because it offends some people? No, I will most certainly not.  If what I write makes you uncomfortable you have two choices. 

1 - Read, learn, be aware, be proactive. Understand and try to empathise. Take the knowledge and spread it to help others. 

2 - Turn your backs, if your conscience allows it. Pretend it doesn't and couldn't affect you. Be ignorant, be an accomplice to child abuse by your inaction. 

There is NO EXCUSE not to support victims of childhood sexual abuse, whatever their sex, their colour, their religious views, or social standing. To do anything else, to turn your backs or deny them justice is tantamount to collusion with the perpetrators of sexual crimes. 

Sheltering or protecting a Paedophile means you may as well have been holding the innocent child down yourselves.  

Fear is not an excuse, neither is family pride. A child is NEVER to blame for being the victim of sexual crimes. NEVER.

No... I will not shut up and go and hide back in the shadows. The past had a devastating effect on my life, but it is indeed past. It has changed me, as has the therapy to get to where I am today. I have taken away its power to control my present and my future. So can you. The past no longer defines who I am and where I am going. 

Tuesday, 9 June 2020

The idolatry of the mindless #poetry

Clear like water the tears flow into a silver flask,
tarnished by the indifference of the masses.
Tarnished by seeking to be more,
gaining no more than the idolatry of the mindless,
and losing no less than the soul.

A silver flask among other silver flasks abandoned.
Lost in a sea without value,
and seen as the value of the lost.
Warming my bed with snow and frost...

The darkness that surrounds me kills.
Living for love, and kindness,
and that view of children playing on grassy hills...
Dying for compassion, for attention,
for a voice to hear my screams, which to most
seem to exist in that other dimension
which some seem to name the void.

Rescue me from this place, this prison, this life.
This play for the gods in the stage of man,
and me playing the grain of sand on the beach,
waiting to be blessed by the touch of a wave of hope.

Give me peace. Give me justice.
Give me a pair of eyes to be lost in, a pair of legs to be wrapped in.
Give me a hint to the life I never had, and seem unable to obtain.

Take away the masks for the play, and the tarnish.
Let me keep the tears, but give me the sparkle of a smile.
Replace the frost with that landscape of a pair of eyes.
Open the doors to that lost dimension and let me be heard.
Take away the pain. Take away the sorrow.

For today is yesterday is tomorrow...
Life just seems to want to stay the same.


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