The Ballad of the Witches' Road (Cover Version) (From Agatha All Along (...

The Effects of Decades of ReTraumatisation Following Prolonged Abuse and its Impact on the AutoImmune System

Decades of retraumaitsation following prolonged abuse can lead to severe, lifelong physical and psychological effects, often resulting in complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), chronic health conditions, and fundamental changes in brain function and sense of self. 

Psychological and Emotional Effects

The cumulative impact of repeated trauma is more severe than a single event, leading to widespread dysfunction and specific mental health disorders: 

• Complex PTSD (C-PTSD): A primary outcome, characterized by traditional PTSD symptoms (flashbacks, nightmares, hyperarousal, avoidance) along with deep-seated issues in emotional regulation, self-perception (feelings of worthlessness or shame), and relationships.
• Severe Comorbid Conditions: High rates of co-occurring mental health issues, including major depression, anxiety disorders (generalized anxiety, social anxiety, panic attacks), dissociative disorders, personality disorders, and psychosis (hallucinations and delusions).
• Emotional Dysregulation: Difficulty managing feelings, leading to emotional numbing, irritability, rage, or feeling out of control.
• Distorted Self-Perception: Internalizing harmful messages from the abuse results in a negative self-concept, profound shame, guilt, and a lack of a cohesive identity.
• Loss of Trust and Security: The world is perceived as unsafe and unpredictable, and others as untrustworthy, making it difficult to form or maintain healthy relationships.
• Suicidal Ideation and Self-Harm: A significantly increased risk of suicidal thoughts, attempts, and self-injurious behaviors as maladaptive coping mechanisms for intense emotional pain.
• Substance Use Disorders: High vulnerability to using alcohol or drugs to numb emotional pain and suffering. 

Physical and Neurological Effects

Chronic stress and retraumatization lead to long-term changes in the body's stress response system and brain structure: 

• Neurobiological Changes: The brain's alarm systems (e.g., amygdala) become hyperactive, while areas responsible for memory, learning, and emotional regulation (hippocampus and prefrontal cortex) may be impaired.
• Chronic Health Conditions: A strong correlation exists between prolonged trauma and a wide range of physical illnesses, including cardiovascular disease, chronic pain (migraines, fibromyalgia), digestive disorders, respiratory issues, arthritis, and lowered immune function.
• Hyperarousal and Sleep Disturbances: Persistent hypervigilance (always being on guard for danger), exaggerated startle responses, insomnia, and nightmares are common and enduring symptoms. 

Functional and Social Effects

Survivors often face challenges in daily life and social interactions: 

• Functional Impairment: Difficulties with concentration, memory, and decision-making, impacting educational attainment and employment stability.
• Interpersonal Problems: Impaired ability to develop secure attachments, leading to struggles in friendships, intimate relationships, and parenting.
• Vulnerability to Further Victimization: Survivors are at a higher risk of being revictimized in the future, as established patterns and coping mechanisms can inadvertently place them in risky situations or relationships. 

In essence, the ongoing nature of prolonged abuse and subsequent retraumatization profoundly alters a person's entire physical and psychological architecture, making the recovery process complex and highlighting the need for trauma-informed care that acknowledges the cumulative impact of their experiences. 

Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) and autoimmune diseases are linked through a dysregulated stress response, leading to a pro-inflammatory state that can increase the risk and severity of autoimmune conditions. Chronic stress from trauma can impair the body's normal stress control, alter immune function, and trigger inflammation, which is a key factor in the development of autoimmune diseases. 

How C-PTSD can affect the immune system

• Stress response dysregulation: Trauma can disrupt the normal functioning of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, which regulates the body's stress response.
• Inflammatory state: This dysregulation can lead to a persistent pro-inflammatory state in the body, where the immune system becomes overactive.
• Hormonal changes: Chronic stress can lead to changes in stress hormones like cortisol, which typically helps to balance immune function. Impaired control over cortisol can lead to increased inflammation.
• Immune cell changes: Some studies show that people with PTSD have higher circulating T-cell lymphocytes and hyperreactive immune responses, which are biological markers consistent with inflammatory disorders. 

How this link affects autoimmune disease risk

• Increased risk: There is a growing body of evidence from cohort studies and meta-analyses that links PTSD, including C-PTSD, to an increased risk of developing autoimmune diseases such as rheumatoid arthritis, systemic lupus erythematosus, and inflammatory bowel disease.
• Potential for co-morbidity: C-PTSD and autoimmune diseases are frequently co-morbid, meaning they often occur together.
• Exacerbated symptoms: The pro-inflammatory state associated with C-PTSD may not only increase the risk of developing an autoimmune disease but can also contribute to poorer treatment outcomes and accelerated disease progression for those who already have one. 

Important considerations

• Causation vs. association: While there is a strong association, research is ongoing to fully establish a direct causal link, noting that other factors like genetics can play a role.
• Treatment implications: Successful treatment of PTSD symptoms may help control immune system changes and reduce the risk of developing related disorders, though current therapies are still being studied for their ability to reverse the long-term somatic consequences of trauma. 

PTSD is associated with an increased risk of developing Sjögren's syndrome, and stress is linked to the onset and exacerbation of Sjögren's syndrome. The relationship is complex, as severe PTSD symptoms can increase the risk of autoimmune diseases, and stressful life events often precede the onset of Sjögren's symptoms. Both conditions can also occur together, and the physical and mental health of patients with Sjögren's is significantly impacted by anxiety and depression. 

Connection between PTSD and Sjögren's syndrome

• Increased risk: PTSD is linked to a higher risk of developing autoimmune diseases, including Sjögren's syndrome.
• Stress and onset: Major stressful life events have been reported to precede the onset of Sjögren's symptoms in many patients.
• Severity correlation: Some studies suggest that the severity of PTSD symptoms may be associated with the risk of developing an autoimmune disease.
• Shared pathways: Both conditions share links to stress-related disorders and can affect the body's immune and nervous systems. 

Co-occurrence and impact

• Mental health impact: Patients with Sjögren's frequently report high levels of anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues, which can be an early manifestation of the autoimmune process itself, not just a reaction to the chronic illness.
• Physical symptoms: Both conditions can cause physical symptoms. Sjögren's can cause fatigue, pain, and digestive issues, while PTSD can cause chronic physical symptoms.
• Treatment considerations: Managing both conditions requires a comprehensive approach that includes treating both the autoimmune symptoms of Sjögren's and the psychological symptoms of PTSD.
• Autonomic nervous system: Sjögren's can affect the autonomic nervous system, leading to symptoms like orthostatic hypotension and digestive issues, which can further add to the stress of the condition. 

What you can do

• Discuss with your doctor: It is important to speak with your healthcare provider about any symptoms of both Sjögren's and PTSD. A doctor can help create an individualized treatment plan.
• Stress management: Stress management techniques are crucial for both conditions. Lifestyle changes like an anti-inflammatory diet, regular exercise, and sufficient sleep can help.
• Seek psychological support: Psychological therapy is essential for treating PTSD. Psychotropic medication may also be a component of treatment for the mental health aspects of both conditions. 

Coping Mechanisms for Survivors of Abuse

 The coping mechanisms you used as a child helped you function during the times you were being abused. Even though these coping mechanisms were functional at the time, many are no longer constructive in present life situations. As an adult you have more options than you did as a child. You are now able to identify coping mechanisms/patterns of behaviour which are less constructive and/or self destructive and substitute others which will help you cope better in your current life.

 Here are coping mechanisms by type:

• Adaptive mechanisms: That offer positive help.
• Attack mechanisms: That push discomfort onto others.
• Avoidance mechanisms: That avoid the issue.
• Behavioral mechanisms: That change what we do.
• Cognitive mechanisms: That change what we think.
• Conversion mechanisms: That change one thing into another.
• Defense mechanisms: Freud's original set.
• Self-harm mechanisms: That hurt our selves.

Here is a full list of coping mechanisms:

• Acting out: not coping - giving in to the pressure to misbehave.
• Adaptation: The human ability to adapt.
• Aim inhibition: lowering sights to what seems more achievable.
• Altruism: Helping others to help self.
• Attack: trying to beat down that which is threatening you.
• Avoidance: mentally or physically avoiding something that causes distress.
• Compartmentalization: separating conflicting thoughts into separated compartments.
• Compensation: making up for a weakness in one area by gain strength in another.
• Conversion: subconscious conversion of stress into physical symptoms.
• Crying: Tears of release and seeking comfort.
• Denial: refusing to acknowledge that an event has occurred.
• Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
• Dissociation: separating oneself from parts of your life.
• Emotionality: Outbursts and extreme emotion.
• Fantasy: escaping reality into a world of possibility.
• Help-rejecting complaining: Ask for help then reject it.
• Idealization: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
• Identification: copying others to take on their characteristics.
• Intellectualization: avoiding emotion by focusing on facts and logic.
• Introjection: Bringing things from the outer world into the inner world.
• Passive aggression: avoiding refusal by passive avoidance.
• Performing rituals: Patterns that delay.
• Post-traumatic growth: Using the energy of trauma for good.
• Projection: seeing your own unwanted feelings in other people.
• Provocation: Get others to act so you can retaliate.
• Rationalization: creating logical reasons for bad behavior.
• Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
• Regression: returning to a child state to avoid problems.
• Repression: subconsciously hiding uncomfortable thoughts.
• Self-harming: physically damaging the body.
• Somatization: psychological problems turned into physical symptoms.
• Sublimation: channeling psychic energy into acceptable activities.
• Substitution: Replacing one thing with another.
• Suppression: consciously holding back unwanted urges.
• Symbolization: turning unwanted thoughts into metaphoric symbols.
• Trivializing: Making small what is really something big.
• Undoing: actions that psychologically 'undo' wrongdoings for the wrongdoer.

More information on the above lists can be found at Changing Minds 

Other unconscious coping strategies can include the way our minds deal with a constant barrage of stress. People in the psychiatric field suggest that mental illnesses tend to be coping mechanisms that evolve from certain stresses. For example, multiple personality disorder may result in children who are severely abused. Panic disorder may be the body’s coping mechanisms for inappropriate fight/flight reactions to minor stresses. Some mental illnesses also have a genetic basis, but stress certainly often plays a role in making these illnesses more severe. 

We also learn coping mechanisms as we progress through life. Some people tend toward coping mechanisms that are helpful, while others choose defense mechanisms that can actually increase stress. The person who uses stress as a reason to exercise is learning and expressing a healthy coping mechanism. The person who turns to alcohol or drugs, eating disorders, or workaholic behavior is using coping mechanisms that are both dangerous and unhealthy.

Both children and adults can benefit from learning coping mechanisms from mental health professionals, especially when they are suffering from mental illness, or have turned to unhealthy forms of dealing with stress. In this sense, coping mechanisms are a set of practiced and learned behaviors that help us better respond to stress. We may not always be able to control the amount of adrenaline that pumps through our bodies in stressful situations, but many therapists believe we can learn to control our reaction to it.

Many times, people who experience high “fight/flight” reactions actually amp up their own stress by their coping mechanisms, creating more adrenaline boost than is needed. Learning to recognize the body’s tendency toward these highly charged states and altering behavior accordingly can reduce the length of time a person stays in the charged state, and reduce the body’s continued need to produce adrenaline to cope with danger that does not really exist. Coping mechanisms in the therapeutic sense can involve meditation, cognitive behavioral therapy, and recognition of the body’s inappropriate response to stress. These are only a few of the coping mechanisms that can be learned through therapy. They can result in fewer incidences of panic, inappropriate anger, or turning to unhelpful behaviors like using alcohol to dull stress.

People who have developed mental illness as a coping strategy benefit by learning therapeutic coping mechanisms, and by taking medication that can help reduce the symptoms of mental illness. A schizophrenic who hallucinates may be aided by the coping mechanisms provided by anti-psychotic drugs. Anti-anxiety medications can assist the person with frequent panic attacks. The gold standard in treating inappropriate coping mechanisms is to gradually replace these with therapy and medication that can help reduce inappropriate coping responses.

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a talking therapy that can help you manage your problems by changing the way you think and behave.

CBT cannot remove your problems, but can help you manage them in a more positive way. It encourages you to examine how your actions can affect how you think and feel. CBT is very useful in helping learn new and beneficial coping mechanisms.

In a relatively short time you can unlearn negative or unhealthy coping mechanisms and replace them with constructive, healthy and appropriate ones. 

Working With Your Inner Child - The Little Boy In Me

 

• Discovering Your Inner Child

Everyone has a inner child but for some they are more apparent than others, this is because when someone has gone through trauma at a young age, the child can't cope with what is happening so he/she goes somewhere deep inside and hides away for their own protection whilst another part of you takes over from that child. As you get older and go through more and more bad experiences the body breaks into more parts, these parts of you are called the inner child.

The part that doesn't want to grow up and likes to play still and has immature emotions and ways, this is your inner child. As an adult you become more aware of your inner child because part of you has grown up with age but that little you who had to hide deep inside all those years ago will one day want to come out when they feel safe to do so,

This can sound quite an experience to go through but it can be an enjoyable part of the healing journey and also fun, you can discover your inner child in many ways as detailed under Working with your inner child.

Take some time to get to know your inner child and learn to comfort them and help them to grow up with you; it's the right path for inner healing.

Getting To Know Your Inner Child 

This part can be fun and rewarding but also very sad and difficult as you get to know your inner child you will understand gradually things that happened to you as a child, the good and unfortunately the bad too.

Just keep reminding the little you that you are safe now and your adult you will look after little you.

As you get to know your little one you can learn to love yourself and you will soon realise that the abuse that happened to you was in fact not your fault.

As you start to remember or re-visit the past make sure you are with someone who can support you and that you feel safe, try and not be alone as this can lead to damaging effects on you, you have all ready been hurt enough and you don't need any more pain to have to experience.

Take your time and enjoy getting to know the little you and eventually when you have got to know her/him you can begin to heal the damaged past years.

Healing Your Inner Child

Healing your inner child takes a lot of time and needs to be done with great care, it can also be fun, you have to remember that this inner child has been very hurt and traumatized but he/she is a part of you.... a big part of you that holds the key to those parts of your life that you thought were missing.

It is possible to heal the inner child with the right support and you have to want to heal him/her and get to know them, it won’t be easy and needs to be taken at your own pace.

To heal the inner child you will have to visit parts of your past that you might not want to but all the time reassuring the little you that they are safe now and that you as an adult will protect them.

There are lots of resources and books etc for self help on healing the inner child or there is therapy. Working with a therapist you can write to your inner child and learn to let him/her have a voice so that you can understand your little you so that healing is possible.

Take time getting to know your inner child and accept that you have one so that you can work together. Remember your little one has been locked away for years after going through a lot of pain.

He/she needs to be loved and to feel safe and cared for and accepted so they can grow up with you 

Working With Your Inner Child

Once you have discovered your Inner child you can learn to relate to him/her and then start to work with them,

It is best to work with a therapist who understands the inner child and there are some books you can work through too.

Things you can do yourself?

You can write letters to your inner child and get him/her to reply, this way you can get to know one another.
You can let your inner child play... play dough is fun you can also get rid of a lot of stress fondling with play dough, try and remember what your favourite games were as a child and play some . This can be fun and healing.
If you ever feel your inner child is insecure and lonely you could try wrapping yourself up in a comfy blanket and rocking yourself telling your little one inside its ok.

The Little Boy In Me.

NOW ON AMAZON - The Times and Trials of Hettie Morgan - A Very Cunning Woman Indeed!

Half price Kindle eBook on Amazon UK from September 2nd for for FIVE days. Other countries to follow.

The Times and Trials of Hettie Morgan

Once a common term across the British Isles, a cunning woman - or swynwraig in Welsh, was a healer, herbalist, and keeper of folk wisdom. Feared by some, sought out by many, she stood at the edge of village life, carrying traditional knowledge through woodlands and whispers, between intuition and inheritance, survival and story.

From the misty hills of Gwernogle, West Wales to the candlelit ballrooms of Gloucester, Hettie Morgan walked a path shaped by grace, craft, quiet defiance, and, in her own quiet way, radical love. Inspired by the diaries, oral traditions, and family history of **Hettie Elizabeth Howells ** - cousin to the renowned Welsh poet Dylan Thomas, this partially fictionalised account brings to life a woman whose story has never before been told. Hettie was also mentioned, alongside a photograph of her with her husband and daughter Valerie, in Dylan Remembered, Volume Two: 1935–1953 by David N Thomas, (Seren Books). A daughter of several generations of wise women, Hettie brewed tinctures, crafted herbal remedies, and lived the old ways without fanfare. Taught by her mother in hedgerows and kitchens, she became a healer and a fierce protector of her kin, all while the world around her changed in ways both brutal and beautiful. In a time and place where same-sex love was hidden behind closed curtains, Hettie forged bonds that defied convention. Her story is one of chosen family, deep intimacy, and enduring tenderness in the face of silence. The Times and Trials of Hettie Morgan is a lyrical, historical novel rooted in memory, celebrating resilience, identity, loss, and the quiet strength of women who followed their own truth. A tale for anyone who believes that courage can be quiet, love can take many forms, and legacy lives not in monuments, but in memory.

Silence, Rebellion, Legacy

 

Each morning I wake in a body that feels older than its years. My joints are swollen, my eyes and mouth dry, my skin aching with the fire of vasculitis and the heat of cellulitis. Layered over it all are the familiar companions of C-PTSD, depression, and chronic pain. Some days even standing upright feels like a rebellion.

And yet, I am grateful. I give thanks for another proper diagnosis after so many years of guessing and disbelief. Too many times I have been misdiagnosed, too many times dismissed when I tried to describe my symptoms. To finally be seen and heard by a doctor is itself a kind of mercy.

I hold close the day itself, for the chance to walk into it, however faltering. I give thanks for the small mercies: a flower opening in the garden, the harvest gathered from earth, the warmth of tea in my hands.

I remember another rebellion. In 2012, I wrote my first book. That book was not born from ease or leisure but from fury - from years of being silenced, dismissed, ignored. It was my way of speaking when silence had nearly crushed me. Before that, there had been my blog, the first place where words felt safe to land.

Then life and pain returned with their heavy hand, and silence came again. Years where words slowed to a trickle, where I feared I might lose my voice forever. Much of what I endured from 2015 onwards I have already spoken of in Phoenix Warriors. In that book I shared not only the weight of those years but also the small, steady techniques I used to survive each day, week, and year. Simple practices like keeping a journal beside my bed to empty my mind before sleep, stepping into the garden to breathe among herbs even when I could barely stand, or breaking time into tiny tasks that could be done without shame or hurry. These small acts were my lifelines, threads that held me when everything else seemed to unravel.

But now, I write more than ever. Books, poems, lyrics, music. Words spill out like a river breaking through stone. I write not only for today but for tomorrow, not only for myself but for those who may one day wonder who I was. I write to leave a trace, a cairn of words on the hillside of memory.

Silence did not have the last word. Rebellion gave me breath again. And legacy - that is what I build each day, word by word, even in the midst of pain.

I do not know what the future holds. There is less uncertainty now than there once was, yet still I wait on new test results, this time for an abdominal mass. It could be anything, and the waiting is its own trial. I only want to know. Whatever the answer, I remind myself that I have faced much worse and I am still here. That knowledge steadies me, a quiet strength beneath the fear. And still, even in the waiting, I find gratitude - for the garden, for words, for the chance to wake each day and call it mine. Hope remains a companion, soft but steady, reminding me that whatever comes, I will meet it with the same resilience that has carried me this far.

Some might question why I release music alongside words. The truth is simple: the melodies and the words are mine, even if the voice is not. There are those who grow angry about the use of computers and AI to shape song, but I am not trying to copy anyone. Nobody else has lived my life, endured what I endured, or carried these stories in their bones. I survived a great deal. Words were always my first escape, then music. Nobody but me could write my experiences into song or poetry, and no machine can invent that. It comes from me, and only me.

There are many ways I bring these words and thoughts into being, especially on days when pain makes writing by hand impossible. I use voice memos, speech-to-text tools, and even modern assistants like Alexa etc to capture fragments before they fade. Sometimes an image sparks a phrase, sometimes a melody catches hold of a memory. Whatever the method, each tool helps ease the passage of thought into words, into music, into presence. Sometimes I record lines while lying in bed in the dark, whispering them into my phone before sleep. Other times I hum a tune into a microphone so I will not forget it by morning. These fragments become seeds, gathered and shaped later when my hands and strength allow.

I once played on a music keyboard too, but my joints no longer let me. Still, the memory of those keys under my fingers reminds me that melody will always find another path, whether through voice, technology, or the quiet hum of persistence.

This is my way of leaving a legacy, in every form I can: on the page, in the garden, in melody. However it is carried into the world, it is still my voice, my truth, my survival written into sound and story.

May these words, and the life they carry, remind you that survival can still flower into song.

What Constitutes Child Sexual Abuse? #StopChildAbuse

There are many misconceptions as to what constitutes child sexual abuse (CSA). Is it abusive to inappropriately watch a child undress? How about to physically examine a child for no clear reason? Or, to show them pornography? Does touch have to be involved in order for it to constitute sexual abuse? Some people will read these questions and find it difficult to see how anyone could not see all of them as sexually abusive. However, the lack of understanding over what constitutes CSA is far too prevalent and not everyone is clear on this topic.

To allay any doubts:

 All sexual activity between an adult and a child is sexual abuse.

 Sexual touching between children can also be sexual abuse, when there is a significant age difference (usually 3 or more years) between the children, or if the children are very different developmentally or size-wise.

 Sexual abuse does not have to involve penetration, force, pain, or even touching.

 If an adult engages in any sexual behaviour (looking, showing, or touching) with a child to meet their own interest or sexual needs, it is sexual abuse.

CSA INCLUDES SEXUALLY-MOTIVATED CONTACT AND NON-CONTACT BEHAVIOURS.

Physical contact that constitutes CSA includes:

• Making a child touch someone else's genitals

• Touching a child's genitals for sexual purposes

• Making a child play sexual games

• Penetrating via putting an object body parts inside the child for sexual purposes, including the vagina, mouth and anus.

• Physically examining a child for sexual gratification.

• Engaging a child in prostitution.

Non-contact behaviours that constitute CSA include:

• Sexualised genital exposure from an adult to a child

• Making a child perform sexual poses

• Photographing a child naked or in sexual poses

• Showing a child pornography

• Making a child watch sexual acts

• Making a child listen to sexual acts

• Inappropriately watching a child undress or use the bathroom

• Downloading indecent, sexual images of children on the Internet

• Witnessing others being sexually abused


What to do if you suspect CSA:

If you think you were a victim of CSA, you were. It can be all too easy to dismiss an event we were uncomfortable with because it didn’t involve touch or it was carried out by someone we knew. If you feel that you were subjected to CSA, trust your own judgment – you wouldn’t be suspecting it without good reason.

If you are someone who has any suspicions at all that a child you know is being sexually abused, do not wait for ‘proof’ – report it immediately to the local police or social services.There are ways online where you can report. 

New single "The Little Boy In Me"

The Little Boy In Me by Beyond Survivor - DistroKid

#cptsd #ptsd #mentalhealth #trauma #healing #anxiety #mentalhealthawareness #depression #narcissisticabuse #traumarecovery #traumahealing #emotionalabuse #childhoodtrauma #cptsdrecovery #gaslighting #narcissist #mentalhealthmatters #cptsdawareness #selflove #recovery #selfcare #abuse #complexptsd #bpd #mentalillness #complextrauma #toxicrelationships #domesticviolence #traumainformed