Naked and vulnerable

Once I was proud of what I saw in my mirror.
Long hours of work and healthy food,
Dancing into the night,
Hours at the gym.
I was happy.

Then my memories became stronger
I stopped going to the gym
Stopped dancing, drunk instead
Diet? Ha! Whatever was handy.
I became FAT.

I doubled my bodyweight in 14 months
Twice the man I was before. Yet half
The man I want to be. I am a nothing
Unsure, ashamed and terrified, forever
Alone.

Now though smaller than I was
After nightmarish memories returned
I look at myself, naked, feeling
Vulnerable, disgusted. Though looking this
Ugly, I feel SAFE.

March 2011