Thursday, 5 November 2015

Love Changes Everything #childabuse #survivors

Many survivors of childhood sexual abuse struggle with adult relationships. I know my own adult life had been severely blighted by what happened to me as a child.

A pattern emerged of revictimtisation and in turn retraumatisation. With hindsight it appeared a never ending circle of behaviour.

My relationships were all tainted by childhood events. The title of this blog may seem confusing.. Love alone is not enough. I believed I was in love, and loved, so many times. Maybe I was, but in all honesty I was in love with the ideal of being in love.

Life for the partner of a victim of childhood sexual abuse can be tough going. I have touched upon that issue in this blog. If both partners have been abused then the situation is either going to be a disaster or with a bit of patience and work from both sides, a wonderful experience.

We all have baggage from past relationships in one form or another. We may also carry scars from these relationships. The important thing is to cast aside all preconceived ideas that were built up in the past and to fully trust and be open with the one you are with now.

Love is a beautiful experience, especially so when both partners realise how special their relationship is. It is something to be cherished, nurtured, and fed. Love needs love.

“When you like a flower, you just pluck it. But when you love a flower, you water it daily.”

Too many people think that love takes no or little effort. To give your love to someone is a gift of you. You trust the object of your affection to treat it as one would a rare and beautiful treasure. If someone loves you in return then value them and take care of the love you both share. 

Much of this is true whether you or they were a victim of CSA or not. To be truly loved is a rare and precious thing. Love is love, heterosexual, homosexual, whatever your orientation. 

Yes.. Love can change everything, and for me it has. 

Love is like a flower; with proper nurturing it blooms and flourishes as each day passes.

Yet, if it is neglected, in a moment's time it soon withers and dies.

To hold love, you must treat it as a rare and tender flower, nurturing it with the utmost patience and care.

To keep it vibrant and alive it takes many long hours of continuous effort and constant attention.

To lose it takes only a moment of of forgetfulness, disinterest and mistrust.

To sow the seeds of love is as wonderful as sowing the seeds of magnificent garden, and watching them flourish and grow is a marvel in itself.

To sow the seeds of love only to watch them wither and choke, like a garden that's become full of weeds, is a crime of the heart that none should commit. 

Love can last an eternity, like the gardens of a forbidden tropical paradise, yet, in an instant, it can be destroyed by a hurricane of hate, in a sea of bitterness and despair.

Poem ©1985 Lloydene Fay Hill ("This poem was written in 1985, while in the midst of the death throes of my first marriage")

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