Friday 26 April 2013

All it takes is just one voice.. via @thistangledweb #childabuse #survivors #advocates


Please welcome my friend and fellow author/advocate Kate Swift. Kate works tirelessly to help other survivors of childhood sexual abuse, male and female. She is a published author (see below) and works very hard to raise awareness on all issues surrounding childhood sexual abuse. She is an inspiration to me personally and to many others. 
 


*Trigger Warning*


Firstly a little information about me... My name is Kate Swift and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (amongst other things!). In '2010' I built a website (www.thistangledweb.co.uk)  to reach out to other survivors. I also created a facebook peer to peer support group... both have gone from strength to strength and are thriving. 'This Tangled Web' became a constituted charity in '2011'. My thanks to Jan for inviting me to be a guest on this amazing blog site... I hope you will enjoy hearing my voice...  




In recent weeks I have been reflecting on the survivor's voice... can I write an entire blog post about it... I sure can. As children who experience the hideous crime that is sexual abuse our voices are unheard... silenced or silent. Not helped by the fact that as children of course we do not have the wisdom and knowledge we do as adults. We also may not have the words & language necessary to communicate what is happening. Furthermore fear, shame and other factors can and usually do keep us quiet too... sometimes we never use our voice in that way. The power of the silence & shame can keep our voice mute indefinitely. When you think about a child being born into this world... what is the very first thing people in that room want to hear... the baby's very first cry. Then the child's first word, we wait and we will them to talk... and then abuse can lock them into silence.

This is why finding your voice as a survivor of abuse is so vitally important. The sad fact is often when we do finally break that excruciating burden of silence our voice can be ignored, silenced and even ridiculed... by the people around us who are 'supposed' to love and care for us. Once again we can be locked into silence... I lived in that silence both as a child being abused and then as a teen/young adult living back in the family home. Sometimes it was the most crazy experience... everyone around me acting like 'normal' and yet the voice inside me could not/did not feel like anything was 'normal'.... how could it be? My voice was also met with ridicule "Did you lay back and think of England" my mother once screamed at me during a heated exchange. The voice when not silenced can be the builder of someone's dreams or a weapon of mass destruction. The choice of words used is so critical, and more so with children/young people. 
Finding my own voice was one (if not the) most liberating thing I've ever done. Whilst I couldn't say my voice out loud growing up... I could share it on paper and those scribbled pieces of paper written all hours of the night... through tears & pain went on to become the foundation on which I built was is now a charity 'This Tangled Web'. My goal... to reach out to others and shatter the silence... to let them know they are not alone... to HEAR their voice, their words, their pain, their journey or even their silence. 

All it takes is just one voice to speak up and in doing so another survivor to hear it. When I stand up and tell my story... I give someone else the message, belief, empowerment to know that if I can - perhaps they can too. As survivors this is a very powerful tool against abusers and it is also a very healing tool for us as people on our individual healing journeys. At 'This Tangled Web' sometimes we are a voice for someone who does not yet feel they can share their own in the public arena. This was very apparent to me recently with the 'William Roache' situation. That man used his words to rip at the hearts of survivors... those words made some of us hopping mad... others were reduced to tears (the power of a voice). I was in the hopping mad camp and I hit twitter with my thoughts & feelings. I rarely rant in that way but such was the depth of my anger that I could not be silent. That was also because I have found my voice... I have heard it and others have heard and validated me too. What was really poignant about that ranting were the private messages I received. Messages from people who said 'rant for me'... 'speak for me'... 'be a voice for me' and that is a privilege to do. What we also want to do is help people to find their own voice or to find the courage to use it. A lovely memory of this happening was when we published our first peer support group book titled 'Silent No More'. We want to give people the opportunity to say whatever they wanted/needed to say and if they wanted they could add their name or not. Over 90 survivors from across the globe came together to be 'Silent No More'... many for the very first time. I am incredibly proud of that book, I look at it and I don't see a book, I see a collective voice. Our collective voice is getting louder I believe... we are stronger together.

'As children we lived in our silent, individual abusive situations. As adults we now come together and are a voice not just for ourselves but for future generations to learn from' 
'You silenced us BUT together our voice is louder than ever'
'I am taking the power away from you... I am the strong one now and little me too.'
~ Kate Swift ~
We have published the following list of books which are available from online retailers as well as direct from This Tangled Web.
'This Tangled Web' 
'Nobody's Rag Doll' 
'Silent No More'
'Growing Stronger, Growing Free' 
'Kate's A-Z of Healing' 
You can find us on Twitter @thistangledweb
You can find us on our charity Facebook page (the peer group is confidential and not open to public viewing)
You can visit us at www.thistangledweb.co.uk
You can email me directly tangledweb010@yahoo.co.uk 

4 comments:

Margie McKinnon said...

Thank YOU for writing such an evocative posting. I remember the first time I told my story, to several women at a group called Alternatives to Domestic Violence. I showed up with my inevitable box of tissue and listened to each woman tell their story. Then it was my turn. I said, "You're all married to my husband." I then went on to tell my story. It gave me so much courage, so much insight. Today I am the founder of The Lamplighter Movement. It is an international movement for recovery from incest and child sexual abuse. We have 96 chapters in 13 countries. See our website at http://www.thelamplighters.org. Thank you again. Margie

DS said...

Oh Kate...I am in the middle of reading your book Nobody's Rag Doll as I came across your website today. I am now 47 and started therapy for PTSD six months ago. I feel as though I am at where you started to be in your twenties...that it is not worth this huge struggle every day and the time btw sessions are yet so much harder to deal with. I am lost in my mind and spirit and am not sure how much more I can really do this for. TY.

Kate said...

Margie... I am so glad you enjoyed my writing, I have indeed heard of the Lamplighter Movement... Keep up the amazing work & thankyou for leaving me a comment on the blog... All good wishes to you... Kate Swift

Kate said...

Hi DS,
I am pleased you found our website and I really hope 'Nobody's Rag Doll' will be helpful to you... even just to say 'you're not alone' and 'good can come out of the bad'. It is really important that you have good support available to you. If we can help you don't hesitate to get in touch. Sending you healing wishes... Kate Swift :)

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