Monday, 17 September 2012
Assertiveness Skills #childabuse #survivors
BREAK THE SILENCE GUYS AND SPEAK OUT!
Having and using the ability to express your ideas and feelings, be they positive or negative, in a open, honest, direct manner.
Developing the ability to stand up for your rights, whilst respecting the rights of others.
Having the ability to take responsibility for yourself and your actions, without pre judging or blaming others around you.
Developing the ability to find a compromise where conflict may exist.
Rather than expecting others to change their behaviours, it's worth looking at whether you need to change your's and in doing so, become clearer in what you want and need, stating those needs and wants more assertively.
If your normal mode of behaviour is to act aggressively, then it's time to learn how to be more assertive, and achieve far more in doing so.
The primary key to assetive behaviour is feeling good about yourself, taking full responsibilty for your actions, feeling and thoughts, and not blaming others for making you feel bad, low, or sad. You have control of how you feel and react, and it's far safer to act than to react to a situation.
1. You have the RIGHT to be treated with respect, as an equal human being.
2. You have the RIGHT to acknowledge your needs as being equal to those of others around you.
3. You have the RIGHT express your opinions, thoughts and feelings.
4. You have the RIGHT to make mistakes, as long as you learn from them
5. You have the RIGHT to choose not to take responsibility for other people.
6. You have the RIGHT to be you, without being dependent on the approval of others.
ASSERTIVENESS MEANS THE FOLLOWING;
1. RESPECTING YOURSELF.
That means respecting who you are and what you do.
2. TAKING RESPONSIBILTY FOR YOURSELF.
That is how you feel and what you think and do. For example; "I feel angry when you put me down" is more assertive than "You make feel angry when you put me down"
3. RECOGNISING YOUR NEEDS AND WANTS INDEPENDENTLY OF OTHERS.
Needs and wants are very different from each other, and are separate from what is expected of you in particular roles, such as partner, husband, lover, son, etc. It's about your needs and wants, which are very important.
4. MAKE CLEAR 'I' STATEMENT'S
About how feel and what you think. Example, 'I feel uncomfortable with this decision' or ' I know that it's right to not do that'
5.ALLOWING YOURSELF TO MAKE MISTAKES
Recognise and accept that sometimes you WILL make mistakes and that despite what you may have been told or learnt, that it is OK to make mistakes, like everyone else does.
6.ALLOWING YOURSELF TO ENJOY YOUR SUCCESSES
By validating yourself and what you have managed to achieve, and increase that by sharing that achievement with others so that they can also enjoy your success.
7. CHANGING YOUR MIND WHEN YOU WANT TO
If and when you choose to do so, and when you do, know that you are allowed to change YOUR mind.
8. ASKING FOR 'THINKING IT OVER' TIME
Example; When someone asks you to do something and you need some time to think it over, try saying something along the lines of ' I will think it over and will get back to you shortly' and then end the conversation at that point.
9. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT
Instead of waiting for someone to notice what you want, and then moaning later that you didn't get what you wanted.
10. SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES
Example; ' I know that you want me to do that, but I do not want to do so at the moment'
11. RECOGNISE THAT YOU HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO OTHERS
That doesn't mean you are responsible FOR others. As adults, we have a responsibility for and towards our children, which is very different from having a responsibility towards each other as adults.
12. RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE AND THEIR RIGHT TO BE ASSERTIVE TOO
This article copyright to Steve Bevan of AMSOSA. Please do not copy or use without permission.