Tuesday, 18 October 2011
Tomorrow Belongs To Me
Sometimes we have to be in the darkest of places before we have the chance to see a glimmer of light. Recently I fell off the road upon which I was walking. I strayed into the shadows and got lost in the darkness.
I forgot my own rules. I forgot to be strong, shoulders back, to stay within the safety of the circle of light, the eye of the storm.
I have discovered that I was partly pushed off the safety of the path. I was so wrapped up in trying to solve problems that I forgot to look for their cause. Believing myself a failure I wandered off into the dark wilderness and almost fell off a cliff.
The feeling of worthlessness, of failure is no stranger to me. I carried it with me most of my life. It is only in the last few months that I felt myself worthy. Human. I had rights.
They say as one door closes another opens. At the moment one door in my life is closing. It has felt as if it was being slammed shut in my face at times. I was reeling from the pain of it, the finality of it. Looking back over the last few months I think that actually one door was opening before the other truly started to close. It is only the opening of that door that made me see my life for what it is.
It is my belief, backed up by the statements of others, that my one door was being pushed shut by others. Well, so be it. What goes around, comes around. Be careful what you seek.....
I have made new friends for the first time in many many years. I have found a way to express myself and in so doing it appears I have helped others. Thank You!
I have been very self absorbed these last 2 weeks. Worrying, scared, fretting over the future. It took me back to my childhood, feeling helpless and alone. It is through the kindness of virtual strangers that I have come through and can see the truth for what it is. Thank you again!
The road is still going to be rocky for a while, much to do to put the past to bed. I will not waste time with revenge, or even regrets. Those who are not with me are against me, and therefore I am against them.
Things happen for a reason. I will take as much good as I can out off my current situation and make it grow into something new. So... A new name, The Word Wizard. Once I was a metal man, I may still be a metal man but it does not define who or what I am. A friend stated recently that we were both metal men of sorts... He knows who he is. Well, I would like you to suggest a new twitter name, if you think I need one. I have added The Word Wizard, but should I change janmetalman too?
Onwards and most certainly upwards. I will do my utmost to keep on the right path, in the light amongst those who do not wish me harm.
From the ashes of yesterday will rise a new tomorrow. A new me maybe. I have been changing for months, becoming the man I was supposed to be? I was so very very low over the past few days, I never want to go there again.
Thank you those that sent personal messages of support, it means so very much to me. To you that have been so SWeeT these last weeks, you have saved me.
I know I am going on, and on, and on............ So what! I have finally seen the "light", the "truth" and I know my "way" now.
Now is now, I cannot change yesterday. Tomorrow is yet to come. Tomorrow is mine to make of it what I will.