Very little attention is paid to how damgaing words can be to you, when you were abused, and those words can continue to impact upon you throughout your life, often without you knowing how harsh an effect they have had on you. Some of the words were used to silence you, make you feel that it wasn't that bad, or that you even asked for it.
Some of those words haunt you and make you feel less of a man, less of a person, and cupable in what happened.
Some of those words seem to define who you are, however hard you try to fight against them.
Some of those words scream back at you that you are gay, weak, unsure, have concerns about what is commonly named as same sex attraction, but seldom says where that so called attraction stems from.
Please know, that no matter what negative words may come to haunt you at the moment, you can and are able to get beyond those words, with the correct supportive advice, and avoid anyone who tries to tell you who or what you are, because you are the only one who can make the decision.
STUCK FOR WORDS? UNSURE OF WHAT TO SAY?
Many Survivors feel unable to express their feelings, thoughts and feelings, so here's a short guide to help you distinguish between a thought and a feeling, and become more aware of the differences involved. Thoughts are what you think, when asked for a response to a question that you may not want to answer, which often prevents you from answering truthfully
Feelings are what make you “tick” and react the way you do, often negatively, often damaging you as a person.
EXAMPLE: If asked what you feel against child sex abusers, you would be able to answer that with conviction, and express your feelings against the people who abused you, without any problems. (Unless you have a hidden anger problem, which can be worked on!)
If asked a more personal question, such as what do you think about in your darkest moments, you will automatically think “Can I answer that?” “ Will I be laughed at?” “Will people think me mad/bad/evil?” Then proceed to give the answer that you think should be said.
Those thoughts can prevent you expressing your true feelings, to yourself and others, and continue to block your recovery.
What happens when asked any question, or put in a situation is:
* You have a previous Memory.
* You have a previous thought.
* You have a previous Reaction.
* You have a Response.
Usually, its the wrong response, based on old behaviours, and off you go again, feeling bad...etc
This happens in seconds, automatically looking back on previous events, mistakes and events made in the past, and without being aware of it, the way you react NOW will and does prevent your recovery.
If you begin to trust, knowing that whatever you say will be listened to and accepted, you are on your way.
Try it, you never know what may happen, you may even find the true meaning to your thoughts, feelings and actions, and even begin to make some sense of it all.
STILL FEELING VULNERABLE?
Where does that feeling stem from?
Having been sexually abused, made to feel powerless, afraid, hurt, upset, etc. you are still carrying that fear into any situation you may find yourself, and still wrongly continue to feel some responsibility for what happened to you.
That includes guilt, in that you feel bad for anything that happens to you or even those around you.
You also feel bad about yourself, and who you are or seen as: (Weak, stupid, afraid, nervous)
Feeling vulnerable, and allowing that feeling to dominate your thoughts makes you shy away from situations that cause you to feel that, imagining or fearing, somewhere deep inside, if you’re not careful, you may be abused and hurt again, even just your feelings.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO INSTEAD?
* You avoid making friendships, avoid ‘dangers’ that may exist.
* You avoid letting people get to know you, just in case!
* You trust no one, look what happened last time!
* You hate being "seen" if you are you may be seen as vulnerable, lacking in some way.
* You allow your abuse to continue to live your life, letting the fears control your thoughts.
* You allow yourself to be controlled by your in-actions to say, do or speak out.
Why live that way, afraid to say or do what you want to?
Why allow the past to screw you up, making life unbearable at times?
Why not try to open up, begin to express your feelings, thoughts, fears and feelings and go beyond letting them continue to haunt you?
It takes just one word to start a conversation!
Why not try? If you choose to face whatever fears that are binding you, the only good result is that you will grow stronger for doing so, so it has to be a good move, however scary it may feel at the moment.
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