Thursday, 1 September 2011


All too often, we tend to spend too much time looking back on the abuse we have already survived, and instead of living our lives, we give the past too much importance over who we are now, as opposed to what and who we were when abused.
Why listen to someone who has not experienced what you have and believe what they tell you? If they are fully experienced in working with male survivors, by all means listen and talk to them, but don't allow anyone else to try and convince you that you were bad, complicit, wrong, dirty, or whatever negatives that tend to throw your way, because they have no idea how you think and feel.
This confusion often occurs because we are told or ill informed that the abuse defines us, but in reality it does not, as we were victims of sexual abuse or rape, but from day one, we became survivors and thrivors of sexual abuse and rape.
So how to get beyond that and start to feel better about who you are?

  • Understand the grief process that is involved in recovery and know that it is possible to get through the trauma's that you currently feel and experience.
      Denial, shock, horror, pain, guilt, fears etc, are all common parts of the recovery process, but will diminish as time goes past.

  • Don't be afraid to say whatever is clouding your mind.
      There is not an original act of abuse that has been done to you, just your version, so it has been heard before, and there should be no guilt or shame   attached to what you need to say, in order to recover.

  • If you hold back, and keep the secrets that are not yours to keep, it will prevent your healing and keep you locked in shock and denial.
      Break that barrier and you will see that hope is possible and that life is waiting. Don't buy into the bullshit version that life is just an existence, just live   your life!

  • Get some help and support!
      Although one to one counselling is of great benefit and allows you to build up trust and often say things you would never usually say, group therapy, listening   and speaking to others, greatly enhances your recovery and allows you to see that you are really not alone, and never were. 



  •  read the rest on the Amsosa website

  •  This article is copyright Amsosa Uk

  • 1 comment:

    Patricia Singleton said...

    Jan, thanks for posting this. I shared it on Twitter and on my Facebook page for other men to see. Your courage will give other men survivors the ability to speak out about their own pain of child sexual abuse.


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