Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Buried alive or just losing the plot?

I will tell this as it is. It's not a fantasy or a story I have made up. It might not all be accurate but it is at the very least based on fact.

I have been having disturbing dreams and strange flashbacks for a couple of days. They involve the grandfather and another of his friends. This other man has not featured in my memories until now. He was an ice cream seller. He had a depot at the bottom of the road where we all lived.

In my dream I am being tied up, naked, and molested. Then I have insects put in my mouth, my ears and all over my face. I wake up roughly scratching at my face and head, sweating and frightened to death. It brought back memories of a "waste land" beyond the bottom of my grandparents' house. The ice cream depot also backed onto this land.

The grandfather always had worms and maggots to hand as he was a keen fisherman.

The dream - memory continues with me being placed in a shallow "grave" in the ground and having dirt and "things" thrown over me. This makes no sense to me. It's not sexual? A tube is put in my mouth and my face is also covered. I know I freaked out a few years ago when scuba diving at having the breathing piece in my mouth but didn't know why.

Am I remembering? It seems too real, it "feels" too real to be a made up dream or fantasy. I can feel the things on my face and body; I can see his face, their faces.

A friend has told me that I got very upset when discussing the grandfather many years ago and that an icecream man was mentioned. I don't remember remembering that...

What the hell happened to me altogether ??!!

1 comment:

jeffssong said...

We found this one interesting because we were buried alive several times with nothing but a garden hose to breath out of . . . and we think the guy used to put his thumb over the end of the hose . . .

Dreams are often symbolic, not actual replays of events. Or you may have, as in my case, a 'part' which 'creates' events based upon actual events . . .

We have found that we have had to create a THIRD file in our mind (after our PR experience) - one that simply says "I (we) DON'T KNOW". And that you simply MUST ACCEPT THAT THERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU WILL NEVER KNOW - about yourself, and your past. Yeah - I know. It's a hard stone to swallow. Trust me - I've been swallowing them by the handfuls here lately after what happened in PR (Puerto Rico, this summer, July). I've had family and friends tell me:
"You simply HAVE to accept that there were/are some things that you will NEVER KNOW" (about yourself and what went on).
That's a hard stomach ache to handle.

But . . . dream on, my friend. Hoping for some better dreams for you. We had nightmares for 48 years...never knew what a 'real' (nice or self-fulfillment) dream was; thought nightmares were normal (and got used to them in time).

And accept: if you may never get to the bottom of it . . .
it's simply time to move on ... (easier said than done, I know. Feelin' sorry for you - not pity, but empathy - hoping you know the difference...sadness, my friend.)

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