Be warned in advance that this may not make sense but my life didnt until recently so here goes.....
What happened to Me was not MY fault. No matter how it was twisted to make me think so. It was notMY FAULT, I did not invite it, did not want or look in any way for it.
It is said that a child's character is formed before it is 6 yrs old. I have no idea if this is true or not, but if so my character, my mind, my body were abused, raped and degraded and my innocence stolen from me. I cannot get it back.
What I can do is make a new start. The past will never be forgotten but I can take away it's power to control my present and my future.
Whilst the road to recovery might still be rocky, at least recovery lies at it's end. The ability to actually be part of life again, not an onlooker. To be the man I was born to be, not a shadow of him cowering away from life and all it has to offer.
I have always loved science fiction and fantasy. My favourite films and books are on that genre. Maybe I saw them as an escape from my mundane, muggle life. I also love history, Roman and Greek especially. I enjoy cooking, gardening and the simpler things in life but have never really felt "free" to do so.
How wonderful to spend time with someone, no need for idle talk, feeling safe, happy and love. To actualy enjoy the close proximity of another human being, without feeling fear.
The is so much inside me wanting to get out, to feel and participate and enjoy life.
I don't want to feel dirty anymore, soiled and unfit for love.
In will get there, I will not let the ghosts of my past haunt my future.