Sunday, 8 April 2012

Good days and bad days

Today is a bad one.

Too many memories and feelings running through my head. Part of me wishing I'd shut up and not gone "public" and another part wanting to scream it out so loudly that no-one would miss what I was saying.

Everything seems to be setting me off. I just feel sick.

I try to push the pictures and memories out of my head. I cannot concentrate.

It's all well and good trying to deal with it but right now I just want it all to go away. I don't want to be that person anymore. It didn't happen to me. It was a bad dream.

I'm spiralling into a depression again and if I let that happen I'll be good for nothing. I cannot let it beat me, but what the hell do I do!!!!!!!!!!!!

My life has been so screwed up.

This is eating me alive.




October 13th 2011

2 comments:

http://cupofteaandachat.blogspot.co.uk/2 said...

Jan,
I wonder how we(the tweeting community) can help you. I want to ask questions about how u manage and who is close to u supporting u. Then I think is this curiosity just to calm me about concerns about you. I don't want more information from u but will ask this, have u a plan for your onward survival and is recovery the right word but getting to a better place then. I recognise your courage and bravery take care
ALison

Jan WordWizard said...

Thanks for your concern Alison. This is an old post and I have come a long way since this was posted.

I have developed an effective and wonderful group of online friends that support me and I hope I support them. There are so few reliable avenues for Survivors that want help. I was referred to a Volunteer Group over 11 months ago by my G.P. I had a letter saying I was on the waiting list, and I'm still waiting and waiting. I gave up and after meeting with the guys from AMSOSA for their weekend retreat I became my own therapist and councellor... I have learnt how to apply C.B.T to myself and combined with the support of my online friends I am mostly a thriver these days.

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