Thursday, 19 May 2011

Background

This is always the hard bit.

I am male, 44, and live in Wales, U.K. I am married (second time) and own my own business.

I seem to have lived a life surrounded by abuse of some sort. At a very early age I was sexually abused by my grandfather, this went on for about 12 years. There was also mental, emotional and physical abuse. My body was almost broken, my mind shattered but no-one seemed to notice. I grew up thinking it was my fault, I deserved it. My mothers death was even blamed on me, as was later my fathers. I can't give cancer just because my body and mind were abused.

I was emotionally abused by my sister, she is a hater. As a teenager I was raped by a family "friend" and then when 16 by someone I thought was my friend.

My family were unaware....?

I did tell my sister on more than one occasion but she did not believe me. My mother died when I was 9 and my father when I was 19. I married at 21, it lasted 3 years. Not her fault as I was just too screwed up. I then entered another relationship which lasted 8 years. This person had abusive tendencies.

Why did abuse follow me? Did I deserve it? Did I welcome it even?

I will attempt to share my story, to shed light into the darkness that surrounded so much of my life.

3 comments:

prozacblogger said...

Hey! Thnx for adding me to your blogroll. I added yours too!

You have a great blog! And you're doing a great job opening up!

To your first question I don't have an answer. But the last two: You didn't deserve it and you didn't welcome it. There is just no way!

Sincerely,

- Prozacblogger

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

I'm no therapist but I imagine abuse "followed" you because, like all of us, you were looking for "home" and when someone abusive came along, you "recognised" them in some unconscious way. I agree with the commenter above that you neither welcomed nor deserved it.

Metal Man said...

Thank you both.

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